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Originally Posted by A human Being
I think you have to go the other way and face your self-hatred. You are inherently lovable, as we all are, but in order to really know that you've got to see through the illusions you harbour about yourself - maybe you think you're stupid, or ugly, or incompetent, or just congenitally unworthy of love. It's hard to recognise these beliefs in ourselves because there's a lot of pain attached to them, and it is ultimately that pain that we're trying to avoid - the truth can be very painful (though that's only because we've been living in ignorance), but it's also the truth that ultimately liberates.
So increase your sensitivity to yourself, and listen to the stories behind your feelings - if those feelings could talk, what would they say? And bear in mind that you can't work these things out on a purely mental level, you've got to let yourself feel.
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Hey there HumanB, lovely stuff
And very true. You've got to let yourself feel.
But you know, HB, when we've gone through long-term trauma, and also some acute trauma, we literally cannot always feel. And when the damage is extremely deep, there are mechanisms in place that get established to survive which literally shut down your joy and your happiness even when you can once more feel most other emotions. Due to the vulnerability that left you open and nearly got you killed, so to speak.
That sort of advice to let yourself feel will not work on those in essentially a PTSD sort of place emotionally and spiritually. First, folks need to perceive that they are safe, free from unkindness, hostility, violence, and cruelty. Then they need to feel that they are accepted and simply allowed to be, to be as they are and to occupy their patch of earth. Then they need to be treated with kindness, respect, dignity, and courtesy -- they need to have their humanity affirmed at the level of their body, their mind, their heart, and their soul. Then...they can begin to heal their heart as they move forward on their journey, and feel safe enough to actually allow themselves to feel their emotions again, and particularly to feel all their emotions.
Of course we can only "control" ourselves. Yet...the vast majority of our deepest and most pervasive, authentic healing occurs only in community and in communion with others. But because many others are often cruel and amoral, or vicious and hostile, even violent, as a mode of being...due to wherever they are on their own journeys...then at the present time it may be that some or most of this deepest healing cannot yet occur for many. Look at all we are reading about women who've been coerced or raped or sacked or threatened or assaulted or killed. Most women have experienced one or more of these, often repeatedly. We require peace and lovingkindness in community so that we can heal. This is just one example. There are many other kinds of strife and persecution. So many things need to happen before so many of us can feel safe enough to simply be who we are, much less to fully feel what we feel.
Lovingkindness is ultimately always a group effort, with everyone doing their part toward self and others. Loving the self and others whilst being beaten or raped or repeatedly abused or exploited will only take one so far. Necessary but not sufficient, is another way to put it. It's what we can do, but we need to keep our perspective and understand that healing and nurturing a human soul is not a "one-man" or "one-woman" job. No man or woman is an island...true in every sense.
If we want to work on loving ourselves, we can (and should!) start by give lovingkindness to all. And of course, that always includes ourselves. But if we want to experience authentic healing at the deepest levels, we will mutually need to both give and receive lovingkindness to and from all. Meaning, do what you can for yourself and others, but don't take on the whole world's burden of lovingkindness and then blame yourself for still being wounded and scarred. For not moving along fast enough. For being human, and for being vulnerable. Those deep scars are the simple price of living that we often bear.
It's no one person's fault for all the scars they bear, and nor can they or should they expect to fully "fix" themselves "on their own". Heal what you can for yourself and others with love and kindness and forgiveness, under the grace of God's own lovingkindness...and learn to deal with the rest, with who you are at centre. With a simple compassion, disregarding the harsh judgment of others (many of whom clearly do not have your highest good at heart). It's all connected and it all has something else to reveal and to teach us, and not only individually. But at the most interconnected level of being.
Peace & blessings
7L