|
Nameless, thank you for the recommendation. I searched for the book and I'll start reading it as soon as I can. Maybe you, telling me about this book means something, because I don't believe in coincidences, and maybe strange as it is, I actually did not had any intention in ever sharing this issue, but somehow, the other day I just felt an impulse to tell it, after so many years, and I did it only because while I was shuffling my tarot cards something told me: it's difficult to connect. it takes too much for you to get an answer. And later that day, while I was researching for a paper work, a weird urge to discover more about spirit guides drove me to this website. What is also strange for me is that for many years I was in complete darkness, my mind couldn't even remember my main guide's name, which only came back to me a few months ago. Every time I tried to remember his name, it was so difficult that my head starting to hurt. It took me a long time to be able to say his name again, and now that I do, I kind of feel relieved, tho not completely (I remembered the first letter of his name, but just couldn't pronounce it. In the back of my mind I knew I knew his name, but it was like my conscious mind couldn't say it. It felt like it was behind a veil I couldn't reach to reveal it). Maybe it's because my mental health issues, maybe not. But what I know is something happened to me a long time ago and that thing made me forget things, things I knew without reading them from books, because it was information that was past down from my spirit guides. Maybe this book will be of some help or at least it will teach me something of value.
Lynn, thank you for your answer. Your question made me think about a lot of things. I only recently understood some of the things that were the reason for what happened to me. Although I knew what happened to me, I did not understood the "why". I don't really know how to explain this. It's something like, I know in the physical realm the problems I had (this life and past lives), but on a spiritual level, not so much. A lot of negative energy has gathered in me. Maybe it was a punishment of some sort what happened afterwards, a lesson. I thought about this too. Maybe taking away from me one of the things I loved the most in this life, it was the way of the Universe saying "you need to straighten yourself up and evolve into a better version of your being. This is not who you are and this is not your purpose in this lifetime." I'm saying this because although I wasn't necessarily doing anything bad, I was playing with the wrong side of things and I used to see it as the "right" side because I thought I was meant to be that way because some entities told me certain things or because in my life always was an entity that from what I know, it also existed in my mom's life since she was a child and made me into think I belong to its "side". There are certain things that happen in your life and in your ancestors or family life that has a certain result at some point in the history of your family line (karma?). I thought the result was what happened with me, all the bad things that followed me and so on. I also believed and still believe that it started long before I was born. I'm not putting the blame of my mental health on that, but it certainly contributed to some extent. What made me trying more to re-connect with my guides was that a year and a half ago, very strange things started happening to me. An entity, which I truly believe it's evil, appeared into my life. It gave me awful nightmares and if I was alone at home, it tortured me. I won't go into details, but for me, it was really bad and had an awful effect on me. I still can't sleep alone because of that. So I cleansed my home, put salt in every corner of my home, I have sage hanging in my house and I also want to make rosemary wreaths to hang around the house. The problem is, this entity appeared in a moment when I was finally better and it was like "he" was trying to keep me in a sleep, "he" didn't want me to wake up. From what exactly to wake up, I don't know. But it was soon after that I started using tarot cards again more regularly, only for things like reading the week's energy. And than, I got a few messages from my spirit guides, in form of dreams and ideas (it was like using the tarot cards again, opened a way to communicate with them, an opportunity that they took). I used the pendulum to confirm this because I can't communicate in a more direct way with them. That's when I also thought, what if I ask my guides about that entity? They told me it was evil, that is not always with me, it's not bond to the house, but me. When I asked more informations about it, my guides went silent. Now I think that maybe this entity it's the same with that that used to visit my mother, that used to show itself to me when I was a child and that "his" desire is to keep me away from my spirit guides and from my purpose. Maybe it's not entirely this, but it's what I feel, what I thought about.
This is in no way the complete story, but it's some of the things I thought about after I read your question.
|