I look at pain and hardship as something we choose to experience before we incarnate. Suicide cuts the experience short so I do believe we have to finish what we wanted to learn or release and that finishing it can be challenging.

I also think that seriously considering suicide is a sign that it's time to ask for help. There are better ways to stop pain. Pain can be transformed and many are helped when this is successfully done. I would try to reach out and get past this. All the best to you and hang in there.