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Although I can't prove any of this, here is what I know.
Based on the many NDE stories I have read, there are many who state that even the most evil people here on earth are surrounded by love in the after life. There are other accounts of a few bad people who stated they experienced a type of hell, but were eventually brought back into pure love when they allowed themselves to return. Many admitted they chose to go there only by their own resistance. There were also people who admit to having been terrible people while on earth, and going to a place of pure love. Upon doing so they claim experiencing a kind of life review in which they feel the full impact of their actions from multiple points of view. However from what they say it's not so much for punishment as it is for understanding. When they came back into their earth life, the overwhelming love transformed them into better people.
According to Eban Alexander, the neurosurgeon who experienced a deep coma which led to his NDE, wrote a book called, "Proof of Heaven". During his NDE, he was taught evil is only allowed to exist on earth (and other lower physical planes) because it allows us to learn. In order to experience the benefit of free will we must be willing to experience being separated from the source of pure love. Those who are evil and those who are effected by it are gaining a great deal even if it seems twisted and unfair in the realm of earth. In the higher realms, there is no place for evil. In fact the love is so overwhelming evil could never arise.
In my own out of body experiences I have found that Yes, we can shape our afterlife. I have had experiences which gave me strong evidence that nothing we desire is withheld, ever. From what I have observed, this is also true for physical reality, but takes longer and requires a lot of focus. Also we are so bogged down in everyday life, which creates distractions. The true essence free will means we are and have access to everything in the universe and beyond. Perhaps the magnitude of that is so great it requires an earthly incarnation where energy is drastically slowed down. This helps our soul to master the power we are given.
When we die, we leave behind physical and go into a higher vibration where there is no slogging through mud. Desire and completion are one in the same. On the rare occasions, I experienced this out of body I can honestly say it was wonderful.
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