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Old 19-01-2018, 01:57 AM
7luminaries 7luminaries is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
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Soulsista...hello there!
It's late, I'm winding down and I have to just put a few thoughts out there - you've already heard plenty of solid thoughts from many others in support of your boyfriend.

1. For thyself...get thee to a low-dose daily Vitex pill (like 80 mg/day) from a reputable organic source. It does wonders to balance women and is great for PMS. Also up your C and multiB vitamins and give those a few cycles, and ease off on drink and excess caffeine.
2. IMO - it's unwise to make snap decisions. You do need to put your concerns out there and then see if there is a repeating pattern of avoidance of "heavy stuff", as Saturn says.
3. Go with your gut that this is an area of concern. Pay attention. So many times, it's those same issues where the response seemed somehow off initially, where you find you come up against a persistent wall or avoidance (of whatever issue) on the other side time and time again. Hopefully that'll not the be the case. BUT...your inner presence has already taken note of it as something that feels off....and this is likely why:

4. It's been 10 months since you've been intimate and exclusive (did I read this right?) and you've only just now shed tears and asked for his support? If so, I read this entirely differently than the others. Most folks I know would have stayed 8 or 9 times of 10. At least for a while, and met up with a mate for beer, if not rescheduling altogether.

If this is the 1st time you've ever asked him to be there for you whilst in tears...then I think it's fair to be openly concerned. He said there was nothing he could do, but that's not true. You asked for his presence, and he knew that's exactly what it would entail...being present, listening, being tender and supportive. Anyone could do that, and most would do it as a labour of love...certainly when it's the only time you've EVER asked...

Now he did have plans with a mate and they'd not seen each other for a while. But would said mate have understood if he'd called and made arrangements to be an hour or so late in a real pinch, to tend to you even just for a short bit? I think so, certainly in many if not most cases. I'm saying he made a choice that perhaps was not as black and white as he made it seem when he left for his meetup. What about the next day? Did he offer to come by and talk then when he had more time to "work up to it"? What if he had been the one in tears 1st time ever, asking you to stay and be kind and tender? Is he good with you keeping plans for drinks with the girls whilst you pop round later that weekend for a shag and a bit of chat when he's got past his stuff?

Rather than have him bail when you're in tears again this time next year and find out the hard way that he's not got to give to others emotionally, I think you might consider setting aside some regular times to talk about some real stuff, feelings and such, and test the waters. See if he weasles out of it or gets annoyed or if something comes up. If he is ok with it and gets real, then you may be able to expand on this. May do, no promises...depending on his active participation and willingness to give. If he is willing to give emotionally to others when they reasonably and occasionally ask, then this may (no promises) help him in at least being present and listening to others (specifically you for starters), if that's something he agrees to do for others. During these scheduled sessions you should especially feel free to express your feelings and be who you are. Even better, let some tears flow from time to time.

Real is real and you need to know if he can deal with you as a whole person (and not just the sunshine and light he's mostly had so far, with you shouldering all your stuff and good on you for that!), or NOT. As you go point, you should also be asking yourself if you are in a situation where you are allowed to be yourself and to be human, and whether you are ok with confining your emotional self expression in its honest form to your "scheduled times". It's reasonable to expect that whomever you're intimate with loves you authentically and cares for your deepest feelings. But many folks are in relationships with folks who may not love them authentically and who may not care for their deepest feelings. And some folks are further very limited in what they can give to others.

I think it's absolutely fair to keep these in mind, as these are really what's at the root of your concern here. Don't focus or obsess on these, but neither should you ignore them either. Put your concerns out there and let them go until you have a bit more time to get the lay of the land.

Peace & blessings
7L
__________________
Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.

Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.

For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way

and become themselves despite all opposition.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

Last edited by 7luminaries : 19-01-2018 at 03:05 AM.
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