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So people have treated you like trash your whole life. You have internalised this message and decided that you are trash, someone who is unworthy of love and respect and all the good things of life. What if this message is wrong?
It sounds like your challenge is to learn to love and appreciate yourself with your unique gifts and qualities. Which means unlearning all your past conditioning. This does not happen overnight but it can be done. It is up to you to take the first steps.
So when you say to yourself "I am trash", ask yourself if this is really true. Or is it just a story you keep on repeating to yourself? You can believe your story or you can realise that it is just a thought you carry around with no basis in reality.
And we are all born alone and we will all die alone. In between these two events we are always alone, even if surrounded by other people. The paradox is that even though there is only ourself in our life, we can still make connections and enjoy the company of others. But we never experience anything other than ourselves.
Peace
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