[july14]

I got on here in 2014 in the midst of what I thought was my TF drama. This forum and the players at the time, about 15 or so regulars who would post in this sub-forum, have helped me a great deal in surviving that first year.
Back then and for several years that followed, I never thought I’ll ever be able to really move on, nor did I think I’ll ever come to a point when I would reassess the whole thing.

And yet, both these things have happened.

To begin with, I was so thrown off and blown into a million pieces that I did not know what planet I was on. But when I decided I won’t lay down and wait to die, but get up and live instead, to somehow make some sense of the insanity that was happening to me, I went back to school and I have been in and out of school for nearly 10 years now.
The shtty part is, that experience messed with me so much, that I shut down to other connections and have not had since then anything of any worth.
The positive is that, I eventually put together what happened to me, and what I genuinely think happens to most, if not all of you going through these deep periods of pain and despair.

So let me summarize what has become obvious to me.

Many of us are empaths. Cognitive empaths have it much easier as they can understand intellectually what another experiences, however it does not affect them emotionally.
Emotional empath on the other hand are sponges and if they cannot somehow protect themselves, they literally absorb everything. Within that everything, there is an especially high affinity towards pain. Why? Because though you may have been born as an empath, your most likely volatile and unsafe environment has contributed to your abilities as an empath. So the nose for sniffing out the pain has gotten real good. Now add to the mix two more things:
1. When you sense the pain in someone of interest, that willingness to take on their pain and help them will increase tenfold. 2. Empaths are also very capable of sensing the potential in someone.

Deadly combination almost designed to trap you into thinking that they are the ONE. They are the perfect match in the trauma, not in love.

Now if you are the “chaser”, you are likely the “feeder” of the energy and their pain absorber. If you are the “runner”, you are likely the one who occasionally has to go back to your feeder, bc he/she is capable and willing like no other to lift some of your pain and give you a bit of a break from it.
What neither understands in this situation is the underlying subconscious dynamic. The chaser will lift some of the pain not only out of love and compassion and Bla Bla, but also because, once again, unconsciously, this is how they tell the runner, I’m giving you a break so you can properly deal with the pain you are running from.
What they don’t understand is that the runner has no intention to stick around, precisely because of this unspoken expectation. They don’t want to deal with any pain, because it’s just too painful. And this dance creates the never ending drama.

Now those of you who are new to this so called TF connection or who have not read anything from my old posts, you might get triggered to say, oh, your situation is different or that I’m trying to convince myself of something. I am not and I’m so happy for the clarity I have. It is not just that I feel no pull whatsoever to him anymore, but I can actually understand the dynamic that kept me in that situation and how it was filed from a place of pain on both sides, instead of it being love on either side. Yes, as of yet what I felt was the most powerful emotion I experienced for anyone, but in retrospect, even though it felt love, to be IN love, you need two people who are both IN it, otherwise at the end of the day its just an illusion.

If you are in the depth of your drama, try and explore yourself. Are you an empath or a high sensitive? Do you typically move forward strongly for what you get passionate about, or do you avoid things to avoid discomfort? If you looked at your situation from outside, what would you say?

I hope my post helps at least one person see this whole dynamic from a different perspective. Years fly so fast. So fast. I’m grateful for what I have learned these past 10 years, however these could have been some of my best years, which have been wasted pinning over someone who was never supposed to be mine and for whom now I have zero feelings. And I cannot bring those years back…So all of you dears who are in pain, try and find some rationale in your experience and see if you can snap out of it sooner rather than later.

Love to you all.