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Originally Posted by Baile
Obviously one can only speak form their experience, I'm not sure there is one generic "man's perspective." I was always a sensitive male, I've been all about honoring the female since the age of about 7, it honestly started that early for me. But my unconscious life still had to play out. I hurt people in my 20's, that was a pretty unconscious time for me. I started getting it together in my 30's. It was in my 40's that my fully-conscious self came into being.
In one relationship I didn't love the person, and was too cowardly to get out of it for several reasons. So that was one reason I hurt the person: I wasn't thoughtful and considerate because I didn't love them.
In the other long relationship I had, I cared for the person, but they were always putting stuff on me: what I was doing and who I was, wasn't enough. And I'm going to tell you how extreme and ridiculous that got: by the end of the relationship, I was the one working, and paying the mortgage and all the bills, and doing all the cooking and housework, and STILL she left on a moment's notice without telling me a thing. I came home and her bags were packed, she was moving to another city and had already rented a place! And I'm not a bad person, I'm happy in life. There was just nothing I could do to please her apparently.
I will say this though: the burden of never being enough, yet still having to do and be everything, had turned to resentment. And that resentment manifested as lack of interest in being close to the person. In that case I was hurt more than just disinterested. But the result was the same.
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I found this interesting. Your first long term relationship you were the one who was not considerate because you weren't in love, the second it seems you experienced the opposite role.
Truth is no one can ever BE enough until we learn to identify what true love and connection is. Not obligation or love without connection. Both are needed then no matter who they are they are enough, and Each getting their needs met seeks to give/be even more for each other. Glad third time was the charm.
