Hi there.
Ok. I have had a somewhat similar experience to yours, which I’ll narrate, but with warning … it is a bit heavy.
When death becomes imminent, blackness comes and surrounds or covers us like a black cloak.
When a person is dying and aware of it, their subconscious becomes very active and powerful and awake at these times and sometimes people then project this blackness onto somebody else – trying to deflect the black feeling away from themselves out of sheer fear of it.
If the person is somebody I know, I used to get it upon myself – and then together we both surrender and let go into Spirit (or God or …..)
It helps the dying person when there is somebody else there, (even if it is other-dimensionally) who shifts with them into the same blackness and goes through the surrendering process.
Well …. death comes to us all, it is just a matter when.
Some people just have a ‘blackout’ and wake up dead, not really fully realizing they are dead.
However – it seems that if you are a Tantric or Shamanic practitioner ……. ‘death’s doorway’ does come up sometimes, but not as physical death, but more like an empowerment.
This happened to me some years ago.
Death wasn’t my meditation focus, I was just following a sequence of symbolic teachings, tuning into their energies & allowing them to shift my awareness deeper and deeper (a kind of unification of dualities process).
At one point my ears started ringing so loudly that it sounded like I had live grasshoppers in my brain and the next thing was that this sound turned into blackness, like death surrounding me.
It was very, very intense feeling of this black energy which was so heavy and self-aware – as if I had thousand eyes upon me ….. it really put me on the spot.
Somebody had written that meditation is like deep sea diving. Sooner or later you are going to meet up with some offbeat looking critters. The point being that wherever you go – there you are.
The same thing can be said about awareness shifts – wherever you go, there you are.
I don’t think these shifts are dangerous as such, but if the mind cannot accept what is happening and starts to fight the shift – well then you freak yourself out – trauma, soul loss, what have you ….. or alternatively the mind can get morbidly obsessed, thus freezing the flow like a deer in the headlights …..
But back to the story …….
At that time I really didn’t know whether I was dying or not, but because it was an awareness shift ‘Spirit’ had led me to – what can you do when you have got grasshoppers for brain and the intensity of black death all around you. You take it for real and accept it as your situation or as your ground of awareness and just live with it - "chopping wood, carrying water" ....
But then that blackness turned into a kind of an ecstasy (ex-statis =”to stand outside of oneself”) – an awareness that felt a bit like ‘witness on wings’ or ‘witness to unfoldment’ …. where “I” became the dance and the tuneless tune of the Universe as well as the stillness (a zero point) and there was “radiance” shining through everything communicating direct inner knowing and it was as if the whole universe had become synchronistic all at once …….
But then I chickened out ….so I am of no help here …..
That kind of state puts very heavy demands on one and the aloness in the face of all that vastness isn't easy either!
But perhaps
“The Bliss of Inner Fire” by Lama Yeshe could help, because it just sounds to me as if you had an experience where your energies spontaneously entered into the central channel and instead of physical death - you discovered the Inner Light.
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