I am so confused when it comes to terms, but just like the poster previous to this thread I am posting now (juice91) I do the same thing. I do not hear spirits, well I take that back, sometimes I do and when I do it scares the **** out of me. However most of the time what I experience is a "knowing" without knowledge. This doesn't just happen with spirits, this happens with the living as well.

With spirits it's flashes of what they look like, what they were wearing, names, people, places, things, etc. It's a knowing and sometimes visual flashes. I rarely ever see full bodied apparitions. That has only happened on a few occasions and once was my Uncle who passed when I was six. He appeared to me 2 weeks before my grandmother passed.

As for people though the flashes of knowledge happen the same way. I can feel what a person feels, I know what they know and sometimes, it's as if I can see straight through someone, or almost like their soul is screaming at me. It's odd and it feels odd.

My only problem with this is how it makes me feel. Actually, I have more than that one problem. Sometimes I am unsure about the accuracy of the information and I can't decern sometimes if what is flying around in my head is real or if it is just an extremely active imagination. I more so live in doubt of things that I know than I want to believe that they are true. I have a friend that calls me a "human lie detector", and I hate it!

As you can tell I have some issues with the "gifts" that I have and there is reason for that. I just want to be able to learn how to control this, whatever it is so that I can find some semblance of peace I guess.

The reason's I have such a hard time with this is because I have learned things that I do not want to know, or would rather not know, or would rather have not experienced.

For instance: Before my cousin killed himself I had a really anxious feeling. I started feeling very sad, over emotional, and concerned. I as 14 years old and approaching my 15th birthday. I was staying the night at a friends house so I called my mom and asked if everything was ok at home. How as dad, brother, sister, her, etc. She said things were fine and that my dad had just ran to the store. She lied. What happened was my father ran to my cousin's house because he was suicidal. My father went over there to take his guns, but little do people realize that those who want to depart this world and are determined to do so can get very creative. He snaped his neck by dropping a very heavy set of weights on it. Don't ask me how, I have no idea? This experience left me scared. He was buried on my 15th birthday. I knew something was wrong, something was going to happen. Even though I didn't know what, I was helpless to prevent it.

Another instance was when my ex husband cheated on me. I had a dream (premonition) of what happened, what she looked like, and what they were doing. This was NOT a great experience to say the least! The next day he came home before he hit the door I knew, confronted him and later left. In hindsight that would be a good thing. However it was not so good and felt awful as I couldn't get the image out of my head for a long time.

Unfortunately the same thing happened with my current husband. I knew he was cheating. I knew a long time before I had the lovely "dream/premonition." The same thing happened. I saw him, I saw her, I saw the act. It was almost as if I could see it from her perspective. That sucked, and still does. After that I went on a fact finding mission that I am not proud of. I managed to get into email accounts with the slightest of ease. I "guessed" passwords and answered to security questions in a matter of seconds, email accounts as well. I found what I was looking for, but the ease at which I gained access to the things that I had no other knowledge of shocked me to my core afterwards.

Then came the second guessing. Maybe I was just really good at guessing? Maybe I was really good at word combinations? Maybe I was really good at email id's? Maybe I just don't want to know what I shouldn't know anymore. Second guessing myself has put me through a lot of emotional turmoil. I know who I am, but I also know who other people are at their core, what they are capable of and their darkest secrets. This has also caused me to become a shut in of sorts. It is hard for me to befriend someone because I can see who they are and if it's not something that melds with who I am, I shut them out. Some people see me as a snob, antisocial, and a B, however I can't help it. I don't know what to do with all of this.

A few years ago I had my first experience with direct contact from a spirit that recently crossed over. He stayed with me for about a year or so. Since then it has happened a handful of times. When this happens I get really jittery, almost like an anxious feeling. My palms sweat, I feel cold but warm at the same time, I feel light headed, dizzy, almost like I am floating, and then start the flashes. Afterwards I feel drained emotionally, physically and mentally. The same thing happens when I get around certain people. There is a girl in my class who causes me to do this. I get very emotionally unstable because she is emotionally unstable. There instances where I am around other individuals and this happens to me as well. I am like a freaking sponge that absorbs people's emotions/feelings/thoughts and it really bothers me. It can take hours to shake those things off.
Since the unveiling of my husbands infidelity and the realization of what it is that I am truly capable of, I am a mess with major trust issues.

Sometimes I can block these things, some days I cannot. If something is stronger than me, I can't block it. It runs it's course and I deal with it.

I would just like to be able to figure out what this is, what I can do to "control" it and what I can do to protect myself from the negative things that happen to me.

I know I can't help the "bad" things that happen and things happen so I can grow as a person, but the other stuff....geesh, I just want one day where I can feel my own emotions and control my own mind instead of feeling like a spiritual punching bad.