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Originally Posted by IsleWalker
Zack--
After reading your entire entry, I'm still struck by the difficulty with food. Appetites for food represent life, and so I wonder where these difficulties with food began. It has to be pretty strong to counteract what is a very pleasurable thing (food and eating), so I really wonder what else there is to this story.
The other "random" things that you talk about--stem from that. Like with eating disorders like bulemia, etc., many severe illnesses can result, including heart attacks. No doubt the same can happen to the the stomach--or rather many not-good things can happen.
The fact that the nausea was linked with riding in cars (and with other things which are now unpleasant) is not surprising.
Does your brother (you said you had one, right?) experience the same thing? Does anyone in your family have a difficult time eating--your mother, other kids?
The gag reflex, emotionally/spiritually, is a need to push back against what is being forced on you. Were you forced to eat? When you were a child, were there food issues? Were you bottle fed? Did your mom let you eat what you felt like eating?
I'm sorry to sound all Freudian here, but this is all really basic, doesn't-get-more-important kind of stuff when eating is your issue. And it seems to be not getting better. It's important for you to get a handle on this now (like I'm telling you anything you don't already know--much more than any of us can).
Sorry to say the obvious.
I just think there is still more to this story.
Lora
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My posts take a while for me to type, I'll try and hurry up in the future so I can reply to everything in one post. Blah, bulimia...NEVER going to happen with me, I'm terrified of vomiting and have never had those kind of body image problems even when I was very overweight.
I can't say for sure if being in cars is entirely related to nausea, as on the day I made my first post about coming close to throwing up while in public, I was very sick in the car but wasn't anxious at all about the fact that I was in one. It was mostly fear about not making it home before throwing up. Back in 2008 when I had the first big panic attack, that definitely felt like it was caused by nausea. I'm not sure how much of the current fear is due to sickness or anxiety, it's likely both.
Yes, my brother has experienced exactly the same problems as I have with eating. We're twins, so we acted similarly and were treated the same way. He had food poisoning in 2004 that made him throw up and he's had messed up digestive problems and eating patterns ever since. He can't gain weight at all, for example. He was chubby before the food poisoning and gained weight easier than I did, then he stayed skinny while I gained weight like it was nothing. Nobody else in the family has trouble eating, which has always made it hard to get understood even after YEARS of telling relatives we are quick to nausea. Saying "I don't want dinner at the moment" STILL gets a "what, why? Come, sit down and eat!" response, it's so annoying. I'm not sure if we were bottle fed, I would say no but will ask my Mom pretty soon.
I'm sure there's a lot more to the story that even I don't know. It sucks because I was confident that it was behavior I left back in childhood, as I was fine (albeit very fat) for years only to start feeling bad again within the past 8-9 months.