[MaryMagdaQueenofQueens]

Lately I have been baby sitting a almost four year old who i am very close with.
Its brought me to an extremely profound and nauseating realization.

when i was her age and a little bit older i was being sexually abused by my baby sitter for several years.

Being around this child has brought up some severe emotions.

and i know why.

When i look at her i see me, and i see the part of me that is still very much alive.

In the most literal terms i feel like some where in some world My little girl self, that toddler who i was is still trapped in the hallway at that house.

like its all still happening over and over and over again.

But i am totally unaware of it. My mind wont let me feel or see. but i can hear the vibration and it effects me unknowingly.

Any advice would be appreciated. Just so you know I'm not destroyed or anything I hold myself together well and i have dealt with this issue as best I can. I'm not falling apart Im just feeling. I just need help learning a way to access and deal with this trauma.