[OEN34]

The title of the thread is a question that ought not to be pondered over as the original situation is done and dusted now, so let go of what you should have done as it's impossible to change :)

I feel for you and your wife here as it's one of those horrid situations that had no intention of happening. Your comment was said with no motive or intention to hurt your wife behind it (I'm assuming?), but it's one of those comments given the situation, is a bit sloppy, really. Unfortunately, your wife is probably quite vulnerable with her back issues and having had surgery; she's a shadow of her former self in some ways, and ways relating to this other lady, so her sense of self-worth has probably slipped a little. Coupled with that, if this other lady is attractive and younger, then there's another bit of ammunition for your wife to attack with.

That all said, your wife's reaction is based on you triggering a wound of hers somewhere, so despite what she may say, it's not your actual comment that hurt her, it's an old wound that has been triggered and unresolved that's the culprit. IMO, there's not really a great lot you can do to mend the situation really other than admit your choice in words was sloppy and you understand how she might be feeling vulnerable and sensitive about it and the other lady, but you didn't mean it that way and you surround her in your love.

Other than that, if it's a real bug bear and your wife is serious about sorting it, then she needs to dig below the surface and see what this wound relates to as it won't be the first and last thing to trigger her, I bet.