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Originally Posted by Treeplanter
Getting Back.
Late in 1959 an old aunt gave me a little diary for the coming year. The first date in it was the 28th December and I proudly and neatly made my first entry, "Christmas Present from Aunty Daisy". The problem was that my reading and writing at 10 years was truly appalling. It was unbelievably bad and I couldn't even spell the word aunty. Just that moment my father walked past so I asked him, "How do you spell aunty? Is it Unty? [As I had just incorrectly written]". It is even just recently I have recalled what he said. Without stopping or looking or having the slightest interest, he snapped back at me in an irritable and even angry way, "U!Au!", and kept on walking. I didn't know much about spelling and was confused and naturally didn't want to ask again so I thought to inserted an a between the u and the n to give the strange spelling for aunt as uanty. I knew it looked strange and probably wrong but what would I know or care as I decided from then on never to show the diary to anyone and to keep it all private.
"Okay", I thought to myself, "if that is how you feel, I'll never ask again," and so for the rest of the diary, all my spelling was, let me say "freestyle" and against convention.
Even to this day, I have never shown anyone this diary. I am just too embarrassed by the truly terrible writing and spelling and other too painful things to even recall. The diary is a little interesting in so far that it never mentions my feelings, [they sure didn't count] or school lessons but only I did this and I did that and a bit of cricket.
Well, in the long run, yes, I got back on him because exactly 49 years later to the day, is the day he died and I had the good fortune to realized this little story 11 years later [that was yesterday]. He died in dubious circumstances and do you know there were no regrets from anyone. He was truly a tragic and mean spirited person.
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I know that it upset you, and it makes a person angry when they are neglected, abused, mistreated as a child. It's very hurtful, and leaves scars....but you know, scars are not open wounds, unless you pick at them, and open them up. Scars are old wounds that are healed. You can look at it, and remember the old wound..but, you also have to remember that it's healed.
You don't have to get back at your tormentor, and you don't have to make them feel the pain they caused you...they already know. Somebody has done it to them, and they did it to you. Carrying pain around is heavy. Pain eventually turns to anger, and then anger turns to revenge. It's very dark energy. If you carry around the pain that others have caused you...you will darken your own light, until you don't even recognize yourself, and others come to know you as having the same energy and vibrations as your father.
I think it's s absolutely adorable when children write things wrong...it always made laugh when my own children wrote things that I had to sound out, and pronounce slowly to figure out what they wrote. My own children did the cutest things, even at 10. In your innocence, you simply just wanted to learn how to spell. You were a very inquisitive child, probably bright and self assertive....and very proud of your new diary. I bet you couldn't wait to start your new book....I find that very endearing, and sweet. Try to remember who you were, and not who your father was.
Go back to that day, and love your 10 year old self. You were an innocent, sweet, bright, little 10 year old child writing in your first diary. Keep the focus on you, who you were, who you are today, and who you want to be....and how you want to be remembered when your time here is over.... because you DO matter.
Don't be afraid to learn, to ask questions, and keep growing ....until you take your last breath here.
And if nobody told you...I will tell you the same as I have my own children....
It's correctly spelled auntie, but you can spell it any way you want because....*it's your story.... it's your book*