[astralwanderer]

18 months ago, after 32 years of marriage, my mom moved out of my parents’ house one day while my dad was at work and had him served with divorce papers.

Is my whole life a scam because she never loved my dad and cheated on him the entire time they were married? Because I was never a daughter but merely the object onto which she projected her fears and failures and insecurities?

Will my hatred of her continue to metastasize until it consumes and controls me? It is a cancer, and I want it out. I have been saying that I don’t hate her. I have tried not to hate her. But I do. I do, and it is going to destroy me.

Some things she did to me I’ll never be able to forgive. I don’t speak to her but I’d like to just move on from this and not hang on to the hate. I will think I’m doi g okay, or doing better, and then it starts again. It’s like one step forward and two steps back.