Thank you very much for your kind words, it means a lot to me. Yes, you are right, this is something that's still very raw for me. :(
Exactly, i have this gut feeling that's telling me this could have been suicide and i could have done more to prevent it.
I feel a great deal of guilt. The thing is, he came to my house 2 days before his death and he was SO odd... He didn't say much, he just sat with me on the sofa. When he was leaving, he kissed me and told me he loved me. This was very weird, because i had never heard him say it before!!! I could feel something wasn't right. However, i did nothing and just let him go.
2 days later, i got the call. He was dead. Later, i found out he did the same to another friend of ours. He came over to her, kissed her and told her he loved her even though they were supposed to meet the next day. This was a very odd gesture and not like him at all. It was so... final, you know?! He was not the kind of person who would go around hugging and kissing people, and telling them he loved them. More than that, one of his best friends told us that less than 2 weeks before his death he said he wanted to be buried next to his father!
It seems too much of a coincidence, you know!!
That's why i feel like i could have done more. I feel so guilty and sad.
There are so many "what ifs"!