I feel like this wasn't bipolar because I never had a psychotic break, I never felt depressed and was very calm throughout even though I had more energy.

A few years back I was making money for the first time in my life and feeling very successful... then all of a sudden I started getting this energy inside me that would build. and build.. and build.

This lasted for about 6 months. My eyes felt as if they had a slight pressure on the back of them. My mouth was always sort of dry, and I lost about 20lbs. I felt great though... just altered. Someone on a forum mentioned I was being dosed with adhd meds without knowing but this is impossible and not true-- last year for about 10 seconds the feeling came back where my mouth went dry and I felt the energy surge, but then went away after drinking water and eating breakfast.

Anyway, during this shift I went to Europe and felt like I wasn't just in Europe, but was seeing the transformations it had gone through and seeing how everything is transitory... it was a surreal experience, very spiritual for me, but dark as well. It felt immensely humorous, because I could see that the social programs had quelled aggression and competitiveness in both males and females, and it seemed Europeans cared more about looking cool and cafes than creating families and making money. It felt like the children of WW2 had inherited the region and decided to make a fairyland by financing it with debt that was not sustainable, but was sustainable enough for them to reach old age, which was all they cared about.

I just wouldn't have felt this way before the energy, or thought it was that funny. I don't know how to explain what it felt like. I just felt connected for the first time since I can remember, and people treated me much better because I suppose I was much more engaging.

I did not fear, and any fear I should have felt, I felt emboldened by it. I didn't second guess myself very much, my head was very empty of doubts and I was like a direct laser towards anything. I met a girl who convinced me to eat something I shouldn't (Amsterdam) and poof... that night as I was going to bed I felt my armor falling off piece by piece, and I started hallucinating in my pre-sleep seeing every face I had seen the day of. It was very uncomfortable.

The next day I was weak, emotionally raw, insecure and basically, the exact opposite of what I was the day before.

The next year I went through the worst depression of my life... I gained about 30lbs also, and the past few years I have been getting pieces of how I used to be back, with some improvements. But it is not how it used to be, even though I get hints of that feeling every once in a while.

Two days after my 'shield' went down, I went on a night train to a different country and when I woke up time felt sped up... this frightened me but my first instinct was to get food ASAP because I thought it could be low-blood sugar (hadn't eaten that night on the train). People seemed to be walking 3x the speed, I felt like I was walking 3x the speed and it freaked me out.

I got a slice of pizza and time went back to normal, but it felt different, like before I had my 6-month alteration. It was depressing. I felt like joe schmoe again.

I have never been diagnosed as anything, I have never been called crazy. Something just shifted in me and I have been trying anything to get it back. It was a complete shield from feeling bad emotions... it was as if any bad emotion would be turned into a positive somehow. It felt like I had something with me, working with me, for that 6 month period. I didn't feel invaded per say, but I did feel connected to something powerful.

This is a subjective experience so it is impossible to explain what it felt like, but maybe if you have had similar experiences you can help me find out what it could have been. People have said mania episode, kundalini awakening, etc.

What strikes me as odd about it was it felt like I had a grasp of some type of energy that was a shield of some sort. Whatever was going on gave me power and this came across in my voice too. One story, I was in a hostel and I said to 3 other guys in the room, "Guys what is the shower situation in the morning? First to wake up gets it?" and one guy says "Yeah". That night a guest in the room had a nightmare where he kept saying, "I'll shower whenever I want!!" and it woke me up. He was clearly upset over the question. I know this sounds stupid, but this sensation/effect amplified any thought or intention I had, to where it created noticeable changes in people I interacted with either positive or negative. Another example was three Jamaican accented men were standing by a building and as I tried to walk by one of them backed up to cut me off. Another asked for a cigarette. I said no, and he said, "Why not man?!" and I go "Because I said no." They then are in my path, so I smile and start feeling the energy building uncontrollably. I knew I would get one of them even though they could take me eventually. They figured this out too and walked out of my way. These were very scary looking criminals and they decided it was best to let me go. I don't think this would have happened this way without the energy. I scared them because I was going to enjoy it.

I have many more examples, but I think unless you know what I am talking about it won't make much sense.

Thanks for your input!

Edit: Also some other weird changes. Other than the energy building inside me being immensely pleasurable, during this time I became obsessed with the concept of nature, and how all life is acting within nature according to fundamental rules of nature. My worldview started changing to where I no longer viewed powerful forces as evil, but a direct result of being inside nature with nature not caring, it simply being what it is. I also started understanding debt and finance much better, whereas before I had a hard time understanding debt. The idea of responsibility changed in my mind as well. I felt like I had a grasp of the world much better, and was making money to prove my understanding. I was making wild returns in the stock market. Then after the 'shield' went down after my stupid decision, I ended up losing my competitive edge, had a fear of making money as if I was hurting another by winning a zero-sum game, caved in and lost it all eventually. It was very weak and the opposite of how I felt before. I became nervous, anxious and all around not very pleasant to be around since I was not happy. My worldview then became very dark, and I felt guilty for feeling okay with the concept of nature I had previously accepted and felt euphoria for having accepted. The world made sense for the first time ever because I was emotionally free to accept it. Then I lost that, and feel it was a step down in my own personal evolution.

I am a big believer that science will disprove so much stuff that is thought of as true now in a hundred years, and there is so much more to learn. This is why I keep the door open to spirituality being a key and ask for your help in hopes you know an answer.

For what it's worth, a friend recommended I try a guided meditation where you are supposed to meet your spirit angel. I am agnostic, borderline atheist, but only because I view religions as control mechanisms and have no clue what the facts are. I dislike the idea of a spirit angel, but I did the hour long meditation and in a trancelike state I met it. It was a very scary looking being, with purple, red and black colors. It had a sword, a coat of armor, horns made of armor, black eyes and was standing on a rock in a weird purplish beach. The scene in my trance-state took place at night, with thousands of stars. It pointed at me with the sword. I couldn't help but think this was the being responsible for my energy. Then I thought I was crazy for having tried to connect it, then I thought it was a subconscious creation having had a loss of that energy. Whatever the case is, I think it's important to share that.