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Since dad died, 3 weeks and 2 days now - not that I'm counting (much). Well, a range of reactions from people. I've found myself talking to people and crying too easily in cafes or in the pub. How embarrassing.
I'm really early on in my journey with this - but there are a few things that have helped me. The fact that I feel so intensely rubbish is a sign that I did really love dad - and that can only be a good thing I like to think. Then, there's been the endless presence of dad, he feels so much here, I feel him the whole time. His presence is easing but he's still very current. And that's very strange, he has taken up residence in an armchair in my house and I feel I can talk to him but I don't know what to say.
Strangely, I've taken comfort from cliches "It will get better" etc. What I've railed against more is the opportunity people have taken to talk about their experiences unprompted. There are those whom I've wanted to compare notes with but then there are those who use my grief as an opportunity to give me a spiel about how it was for them and I just think "no".
It's been an exercise in kindness in many respects, the ripples of grief might start with dad and being next to him I find myself being hit with the greatest strength of the ripples but then there is so much unresolved grief which are impacted by another ripple further down the line.
It's an intensely difficult process for all concerned, there are shifting energies within the family as well as the "missing" of the departed person - but those with unresolved grief (seems to be many) swing into the foreground and this grieving by proxy becomes a significant feature. I hold onto the saying "it is better to be kind than right" - but it's not been easy.
Furthermore, my belief systems make me feel intensely lonely within the family circle and I am heartened by coming here. Thank you.
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