If you want to develop your gifts than I would suggest taking a class, or a workshop on such things would be beneficial to your growth. They can give you the resources and knowledge and understanding of them and how yo strengthen and work with them. Now a days we have the technology to even learn this stuff in a digital class. Not as good as in person, but it can be done.
Yes, spirit and messages come when they want to. Not when we want them to. Many will seek a medium because they want to speak to Aunt Jane. However Aunt Jane may decide to not come forward, or even give a message. Human spirits have freewill much like they do in life. Or perhaps Aunt Jane doesn't want to talk to the person who wants to speak to them. It happens too.
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About the anxiety, your answer helped tremendously. I have always had anxiety, its just gotten worse as ive gotten older. It has gotten way worse after my dad passed away..... For whatever reason! I have medication for it though, thank God! A medium told me before that i was very ungrounded. So yeah i need to use some grounding stones!
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If your anxiety has gotten worse after your dad died, then I would say there is something connected to his passing that is triggering within you. Fear of some sort perhaps. Fear of loss. Fear of rejection. Fear of not helping them in their time of need. Things like that. Anxiety we have usually has a trigger point within our life. That we become stuck and fixated on, and the scenes keep playing out within our minds.