|
Originally Posted by shoresh
Gentleheart, I am sorry for the loss of your dear infant son. I am going to post my story of the loss of beloved son in 2012. I have had 2 son losses. It is a Chirion wound always. Peace.
Shared Pre-Death Awareness with My Son, Jesse
My beloved son, Jesse, was ran over and killed by an inattentive driver in October 2012. I have always had a sense of apprehension regarding my beloved son, Jesse David. He is my firstborn, son of my heart. He was 28 when he was run over on his motorcycle in his own lane on the way to a doctor’s appointment. There were no factors that day that contributed to the accident other than total negligence on the part of the other driver who was driving illegally on the road.
My infant son (third born), Taylor, had died of SIDS at six weeks in 1987. He had just been released from the hospital for having a fever and was pronounced “ok”. No doctor had warned me about SIDs or crib death. I have lived with guilt for so long over that choice not to take him to a doctor one more time.
Now fast forward to 2012. My son Jesse was having some asthma like symptoms that would require going to a specialist. So I help him find the doctor, make the appointment, I encourage him to go…and he does. As he goes to the physician, he is run over in his own lane on his motorcycle, which he would have not passed many drivers that day on that route but she was there. Like a lone bullet.
The year of his death it was like the volume was being turned up that his passing was near. I was not familiar with pre-death premonitions nor end-of-life phenomena. It would be frowned upon in my circles and would not be accepted. This is an attempt to put the major events in some kind of timeline, though I will say, that so many little actions, and nuances that year, it is hard to place them all. They were just present and every time I stumbled across one of these marker events, I just knew.
In February of 2012, the year of my son’s death, I had a very strange happening.
In a quiet moment of mediation on some scripture, I “heard” in my mind very clearly, “Your son’s gonna die”. Just like that. This intrusive, unknown telepathic voice very much startled me and it was upsetting yet had a certain quality to it. I tried to put it out of my mind quickly.
At the time I was oblivious to these types of “events” as it was not in my belief system at the time; however, much to my regret, I now believe this to be an instance of clairaudience or clairsentient of some sort.
In April of 2012, Jesse was feeling strongly like death was nearing. I was with him when he got his “official notification” so to speak. At the time, both of us were employed by the same local store. We shared lunch breaks when we could. One day on our work break, we were walking together in the store as he was not feeling the best. Jesse suddenly stops in the store aisle by the bike rack, like he is startled and blurts out to me, “I don’t think I am going to live a long life”. It was like some kind of a “notification”. I felt a chill go through me but as I did not understand this phenomenon could happen as someone is nearing an exit point so I did not know what to do. Jesse began to be noticeably more clingy with me after this, always trying to be close by me.
Also from then on out, Jesse was more moody, which was not characteristic of him at all. He was a very kind, gentle person who believed in following the Golden Rule from his heart. Jesse started to say, “When it is your time to go, it’s your time to go,” a lot after spring of 2012, way too much. I wanted to deter him from choosing any risky behaviors. As you know from reading this, I was unsuccessful.
In late August of 2012, I had a very strong death feeling about myself, that maybe it was me that was going to die -- I remember those nights distinctly. One particular night as I looked at the moon, it felt like I was looking at it for the very last time...like I was becoming removed from this world. And I so wish it had been me. (I should note that later August is also the passing date of my infant son Taylor)
Unfortunately, I had been offered a new job and accepted which changed the course of events. If not, I would have been driving that day instead to take him in. I felt at times that there were “Presences” (such as often described in NDE testimonies) that I could sense that summer. This would happen both when I was alone and sometimes when I was with Jesse.
Because of all of these happenings, I started to evaluate everything that could be a potential danger to him but missed the most obvious. Jesse had approached me in August and wanted to buy a motorcycle. I hesitated immediately but his father rode one so I dismissed my inner misgivings. He bought the motorcycle that was intended to be resold to make money but he quickly changed his mind. When the motorcycle came to our house, my husband immediately started to yell at Jesse not to ride it, that it was going to kill him. My husband was very upset. Then Jesse dug in his heels, and kept saying “When it was your time to go, it is your time to go” meaning it would not matter if he rode it or not if death was meant to be.
In October, the week before Jesse died….on that Thursday (the day before his motorcycle license class was to begin) I had a conversation with Jesse. We were both standing in his driveway. I clearly remember him being on the driver’s side of his car and walking around the front of the car towards me, as I was standing by the passenger’s side. I so begged and pleaded with him not to drive the motorcycle, and told him again his father was in absolute terror he was going to die on it…I asked him to think of how we would feel if he were to be killed on it, he said, “I don’t know, I’ll be dead,” followed by “I could go right down the road and be killed”. He had often said that -- he could go right down the road and be killed -- like he had always known this would be his manner of death.
… I was sick with terror… Jesse refused to give up pursuing the motorcycle license no matter how much I begged… and dismissed our growing worry and alarm like young guys tend to do; I think his “rational brain” just could not let it go. Jesse said to me again, “When it is your time to go, it is your time to go”…this saying had become a mantra with him since that spring after he directly told me he was going to have a short life.
The Saturday before Jesse died as I was in town shopping I had called him to make sure he had made it home okay on the motorcycle as he drove it that day. (And we were concerned). When I talked to him on my cell phone, the conversation had began with the normal day-to-day stuff but then shifted to what he felt his life’s goals were and also what they were not (ie., not about getting a big job or money, he was content just to be and loved the quiet outdoors). In that conversation, Jesse brought up an analogy I held privately in my heart about him for so long. Often I felt Jesse was like, “a giant boulder I kept pushing up a hill with all my might and strength”, this is not intended in a negative way towards him, and he understood that -- but I have always felt the need to hover nearby him, keeping him safe, now sheer mom-love drove this … in that Saturday conversation, he told me he was releasing me from that “responsibility” using that exact analogy I held in my heart…Jesse then told me …ironically…that he wanted me to go motorcycle riding with him the next spring….it was here his voice faltered and trailed off…I knew instantly in my soul something was very wrong.
At this point in the conversation, Jesse asked me to buy some matches for him and bring them to him at his home. I believe it was just what he used to get me to come to his house without alarm.
I purchased the matches and drove in a furious hurry to him…I definitely knew something was wrong…when I got to his house and entered the living room, he was lying down on his couch. As I handed him the matches he looked up at me and told me, “MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE SHORT”. Just like that. He appeared to be calm…in my soul I asked, “how long?”, I was given the number “3” which I, to my horror, misinterpreted to be thir-ty…but it was three days later and he was killed by an inattentive driver.
The Knowledge of this conversation of his impending death was removed from me temporarily once it was spoken…I felt like my head was being “wrapped in a fashion” the thoughts being hidden away. The room had a strange quality to it that night, something that is really hard to describe with any words.
I asked him to come back to our house with me that night, he refused. When I left from his home …as my hand touched the door knob…I said in my soul, “I am not going to like this”. I noticed that night was so inky black, an uncomfortable black, and by the time I reached my van in his driveway I “forgot” this conversation or the knowledge removed. I feel so guilty for leaving him
A fragment of the conversation came back the morning he died, Wednesday…and the rest two weeks later.
The day of the accident, I had called him 5 minutes just before his accident to ask him, "What are you going to do today"? What a question, huh? I usually called to check on him.
Sometimes he would pull over on the motorcycle and call back...if only he had that day.
Jesse was ran over and killed in his own driving lane while going to his doctor’s appointment that Wednesday morning. The girl that killed him has a long history of law violations, including drug use and traffic safety violations. We also now know she was driving in his lane head on to do a left turn. What we have termed “a country left turn”. She jumped her vehicle into his lane so fast that he did not have time to respond.
The night of Jesse’s passing at 10:30 pm I found a text message on my cell phone, where the phone number should be there was a text message instead. It said, “Thanks…Jesse”. I tried a call back, there is no phone number attached. Again, the message was in the area where a person’s name goes or a phone number, the second line where the message is normally is blank.
As I look back, there are many oddities that happened that year. It was a year full of synchronicity (a term I had never heard of before until I started to search things out after his passing). It completely shattered my small box of beliefs and what I had been told was “true”. These things are deep and disturbing.
Jesse was authentic in his faith and service to God. He was kind, gentle and caring to others.
I now believe that at times – a “knowing”, events, and messages – can bleed through from that other side of life.
For a long time before Jesse’s death, I would get a strange, sick, uneasy sense every time I was near the road that Jesse was killed on. That uneasiness with this particular road had increased as Jesse’s passing drew near. Again, I missed the warning sign.
For me, I have had experiences that made me realize that there was a spiritual nature that existed outside of this present world. However, this knowledge got distorted by some of the religious views I absorbed later. Stories from other bereaved parents who were brave enough to share their child’s passing with the mystical and paranormal experiences that can occur when death is close have been part of my grief journey; and for me, I am trying to make sense of what occurred even though healing will only come when I cross that final line myself.
.
Shortly after my Jesse’s passing, he appeared to my mom as a full apparition…she was fully awake sitting at her computer trying to fix it (he would often fix it for her)….she was able to describe what he wore to a detail, it was what he would have liked to wear in. He was not transparent, but lifelike standing to her left. When he realized she could see him, he simply vanished.
|