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I'm not sure what you mean by your definition of soulmate. You don't just have one, you have lots of soulmates. Soulmates come on all different levels, and usually close ones teach us lessons and sometimes even trigger us to become better people. They are not just designed to be exactly like us. Even the members of my soul family that I have found, are not exactly like me. They can even trigger me and upset me sometimes. They are there to teach me to be better, but not to be another me.
It doesn't sound to me like you are looking for a soulmate, or even a twin flame. You are looking for a life partner, and you are limiting yourself a lot by being so specific. I'm not saying you shouldn't have qualities that you want or find important, but are you really going to turn down a possible great love because they eat different food than you? Sounds like a really limiting way to be to me.
Perhaps this woman is a soulmate to you and she has come help you expand your thinking (doesn't mean you will end up with her forever, btw).
Like I said, there are different types of soulmates that show up for different reasons. So how to tell that someone is a member of your soul family? You would have an instant rapport with them. You will feel that you care about them upon meeting them much more than is usual for someone that you have just met, and you will not know why. (And I don't mean care as in, want to be with them sexually. I mean care, as in, you will care about their soul and what happens to them).
As for the awkward silences, my experience with my twin flame was that even if we did have a silence, it wasn't awkward. In other words, we could just sit and enjoy each other's presence. But a twin flame is something else altogether, and not at all what it sounds like you are looking for at this time (although you meet them when not looking, and they come to shake your world up, not to be an instant romance). I would say, though, it's about the same with the members of my soul family that I know, but they are not romantic connections to me.
As for your kids, I don't know how old they are, but I hope you are aware that your children are not mini versions of you. They may grow to be completely different people that you would decide they should be. You hope them to be vegan and Christian. They may decide to be meat- eating Buddhists.
As parents, we are not here to tell our children who to be and what to believe, we are here to guide them and support them. But we do not choose their paths as they grow up. The paths they choose may not be what you would choose and that's ok. Your job as a parent is to love them no matter what, be there for them and provide as much support as you can.
I agree with what FC said above as well, your idea of finding a partner sounds very ego- based. You seem more concerned with finding a compliment to you, than a real person with their own feelings and desires. When we find people who are different, if we listen to them and take other approaches and perspectives into consideration, we may learn something from them.
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