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Originally Posted by Presence
Hi Yogini, I have a neurological disorder that causes extreme restless body, some days I can not sit to meditate. Rather than suffer forcing myself, I now get up and walk while chanting mala beads. It is another form of meditation and very beautiful.  |
Namaste and thank you.
Sorry I didn't reply before to this, but for the past three months, I've cut down my internet time to only a few hours a week, but now I am back on SF and 'in full force' as it were.
There is one thing about Bhakti....a really weird thing.
It's when God turns around and says "yeah, I know you love me, but how MUCH do you?" when I can't even quantify it myself due to the unconditionality.
So I say; "You know it already because you are God and I am not" and that's when it happens..."you're NOT? that's news to me" followed swiftly by "Show me how much then" and I'm like "how do I DO that? when praying to you, offering my heart to you doesn't seem to be enough?"
All the while knowing I have not given Him my neurological disorder saying "I don't want this...here, have it back" or refusing to believe there's anything 'wrong with me' in the first place, despite my 'illusory body' showing all of these 'illusory symptoms'.
After speaking privately with nitiananda about how much spiritual practice I SHOULD be doing vs how much I am currently doing, it's akin to shutting the stable door after 'kundalini horse' has bolted...and, like it or not, Shakti has reached my Sahasrara...giving me bliss, giving me absolute knowledge and insight...and giving me incredible pain, but having attained Samadhi, I should also be aware that either bliss should negate the pain OR that NEITHER bliss/pain should exist, as per Bhagavad Gita:
http://www.bhagavad-gita.org/Gita/verse-02-14.html
Shiva enables the tolerance for me, but oft I forget this and allow the indulgence of the senses into that pain and then, I am 'down for the count' for weeks/months without respite.
So, this is what He means when He says "how much do you love me?"
Om Namah Shivaya