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I do not really know how to respond to that , Native Spirit , other then to be thankful for the unexpected reply.
I have acted on such things before, like being bullied in school and then getting tired and beating up said bully and telling them if they do not stop and be nicer to me I will continue the beatings in return. I continued giving back what I took until I grew up because doing such things was not worth my time or would have dire issues. Now I find that there is a section of my mind literally screaming at me to defend myself to take action against my attackers and I refuse because for one I would have to act on a good number of people which is cause for thought for me today on morals , people and reality and I guess is how I ended up deciding on a few things.
Everyone has their demons, both mental and actual, people talk of using energy healing but to me I need to confront and untangle the issues to fully deal with them as they are and that is something I am having trouble but I suppose if it was easy then a lot of people who not feel the need to act out on others and the world would be a cheerier place. That day/night was beyond what I have ever dealt with before and I needed two people to help me through it because I felt without actual help I would lose control in full as I had already fully lost my sense of reality. The only thing that brought me back was one of them hitting on one of the core things to me, the way I want to be regardless of where I find myself, though the other showed me what I thought was wrong by having me look through the assembly of my car and find that knowledge for myself did help as well the main thing was what I wanted to be that poured water on the fire enough that I felt the coolness from it in actual.
I have done things in self defense and retaliation to bullying that over all ended "well" for me in social settings but one or two of the things still bother me to this day where I went over board according to myself and I intend for that not to happen again. It is why I yelled at someone to step off because they were trying to get me to strike them, I yelled for them to step off because if I struck them , you can guess.
I have things I need to confront and I wish to do so on my own but I think I do need a little push from time to time.
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