The mood and assumptions of reactions such as this- and the OP's, the whole idea of easily labeling your own good friends and lovers as "energy vampires" without realizing that, if that does happen to hurt their feelings, then, well, maybe that is your problem. What do you get out of it? A feeling of control and influence over others where you are only secure if it seems they are jealous of you or demanding of you? A feeling of security and self-justification and validation when you can call others clingy and feel like you are sought-after?
OP, Why does the current BF have so little awareness that this contact is bothering you? Aren't you & Happyhorse when they're in the same situation - putting out the signals to elicit and approve of this to some degree?
No one tries to snitch another's energy like a burglar breaking into a house. They are just doing what they learned; they came from a particular environment where people affected each other, demanded from each other, controlled, and taught kids (mostly unconsciously, by example) how to try to get their own needs met. Then kids reach adolescence and young adulthood and attract certain vibes of people to them to replay certain patterns that the higher self wants to have to reveal its own insecurities and room for growth.
Originally Posted by happyhorse
I have started to "show" or being aware of when I notice people doing this. Some are just wanting to connect physically for bonding, but some do it as they have a lack of own energy. You need to show that it's not OK, by moving away and thus creating a physical sign that what they are doing is not appreciated, and they get aware of what they are doing. But only if you really feel that you know what is going on, and I'm pretty sure that you do as you describe what is happening in so much detail. I can really relate to what you are writing.
After that you have shown enough times that you don't appreciate their behavior, either they will find that you are hurting their feelings (not your problem in this case), and either change their behavior or stop seeing you. Emotionally, this kind of people behave like dogs, not to be demeaning in any way, just to give you some plattform to understand why they do as they do, and how you can act to encourage a certain behavior (that don't suck the energy out of you).
You have already pointed out that he has a problem, but he won't accept it. There is not more you can do to help him (sorry I am maybe a bit codependent so don't buy into my thinking that everyone should be helped ;) ). I have learned that my energy is sacred and no-one is allowed to snitch from it. If you don't have your own, start doing some work on getting more, it's not my job to share it with you.
If the situation is unbearable you maybe should consider ending the relationship.
The question why you are attracted to those kind of guys - maybe can be because that you also have some codependent tendencies (good book on the matter - codependent no more). But that is hard for someone else who don't know you to understand. Try meditate and sit with the question for a while and answers will pop-up. As it have happened for all you last three guys, maybe it's a pattern, maybe not. If it is, it's because something in your subconscious programming is driving you towards it, some part of you that isn't healed are leading you toward unhealthy behavior. As I said, it's not sure it's a pattern, but it could be. Sitting and meditating on a certain problem and just listening to answers that come by themselves is often rewarding for me, and I could really recommend it.
Best of luck! Keep your energy for yourself, and keep us posted.