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After this, I just felt the total depth of His Love for me and not vice versa and I knew...I could feel it totally eclipse my own energies like Rahu eclipses the Moon...there was no limit to this...no end to that feeling and no point of chronological or spacial reference and I was still just a mess of ash and tears, just offering the flame of the Diya (lamp) to the roaring flame of every other fire that isn't that flame existing before it (and mainly within my own heart, which by that point, wasn't really 'mine') and I fell in Love whilst also rising in it. In total spite of the teachings of the Laya Tantra or Soundarya Lahari (Absorption into Waves of Bliss). I am not only 'loved' and I 'love back' but I can feel myself floating in a sea of it, like a giddy schoolgirl with a lot still to learn, but the 'lessons' seem to be coming thick and fast now. Maybe they call it "you have now been 're-activated' like some kind of defunct android who strayed too far from the 'collective'.
Apart from this...at that time, I wasn't in any position to think about any of this, or even care (not that I really should anyway). It was only later I was able to trace the origins of Vishishtadvaita (Qualified Monism) or Bheda-Abheda (The Difference of Indiference) to a Sampradaya in the Shaivite schools of philosophy...which was something I wasn't able to achieve and feel comprehensively enough about doing...until now...as I let my gaze fall upon the images of Basavanna, Allama Prabhu, Sambhandar and the Tamil Nayannars and Siddhars who seemed to be the forebears of the "old wave of a much recent paridigm within the cloistered annals of hidden Shaivite philosophies"....or something like that. lol
Whatever was happening, whatever this feeling was, the air became energetically charged and He was just there...very briefly, but long enough to let me know, leaving a trail of bliss in His wake. I'm a Pashu-pati...I experience the bliss of being 'bound' to the Divine while I experience the union (yoga) of love (Bhakti)...union through Love and within the Divine/Mortal Unity, there is much Diversity, all except for the infathomable Wellspring of Absolute Brahman underlying and underpinning all perceptual existence while every human intellect tries to 'know' and to 'understand' what this universal essence poured into the form of actuality itself IS ...and quite a few times it has been like this:
Me:"Oi, Shiva....my Lord...are you 'out there' or 'in here' or wherever...but can you hear me praying to you?"
*crickets chirp"
Me: "My love, stop hiding from me...I would like to talk to you...please? I want to ask You a question...it is important to me".
Response: "You were talking to me already and I never 'went' anywhere, and stop saying you 'want to ask' and just do it..."Lord Shiva...Am I really You?" it helps if you do it THAT way...
Me "So, Am I?"
Response: "Well, what do You think?
Me: "You already KNOW what I think, so why do YOU ask?"
Yeah, most of my conversations with Him are totally boring like this...lol
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