[shivatar]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

AAh, I notice I seem to have totally lost you all again and this is the whole reason why I don't go online much anymore or even talk to people much, if at all. It's because nobody can understand me.

At first, I thought it was a defective Vishuddhi (throat) Chakra...when in fact, whatever I say is just so deep and profound, unless one has either a degree in Hindu mysticism or philosophy OR has experienced Samadhi, it will just fly over everybody's cerebellum like the proverbial satellite ...and trying to 'dumb it down' is just as difficult for me, as trying to understand this in original context is for everybody else....so I often wonder, with great wonderment, what it actually is that makes me 'the same' as everybody else?

It's not really the question or the matter of myself going into 'Sattvik worship' as I like to ego-lessly 'identify' with somehow being 'beyond' the three gunas, but about 80% of the posts I make in and on this forum somehow go languishing and yet, whenever I say anything about this, I always get "just because I did not comment on the content, did not mean that I did not read and appreciate the content" which only goes to strengthen the whole "write a book then Shivani, if people only want to read and not give any feedback on whatever you write". Yet, the actual reading of a book somehow entails more 'free will' than reading posts on an internet forum does. lol

Then again, I also fully understand that there's no concept of 'time'...it simply does not exist, which may explain why a 'day' for me, is a 'month' for another and why it is thus, I am destined to have a very 'short life' like a candle which burns itself out with a roaring flame in somewhat of a short timespan (while the actual 'Light Body' remains under construction). So, I can only go and meditate because this is all I can do, while I am actually not the one doing anything....unlike typing on an internet forum. lol

its not that we don't understand you. but sometimes, at least for me, with these long posts there is not much of a question or something for us to reply to, it's mostly just a lecture type discourse where you tell us about your experiences or your spirituality.

After I read your other post at the end I was like "... idk what to post or reply too.... guess ill just go without saying anything" lol.


What makes you the same as everyone else? it's the sense of consciousness. the sense of "this is me" or "this is happening to me" or "i am here".

throughout my young life I've experienced great tragedies, and every time I come out the other side thinking nothing happened, because I expect there to be some change in my sense of self. However for the last many years its like there is no change in my sense of self. I always feel like me, always feel the same, no matter what heaven or hell I go through.



heyyyy, you gonna smoke a ton of weed on feb 12th for shivaratri? hahahaha. I went from smoking all day everyday to smoking once a week.

I've smoked 3 times in the last week though, so I think I might wait until the 12th to smoke and then get HELLA RIPPED. like my brain is going to be asking "why god, why" LOLOL.