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Originally Posted by susovan
Sorry but could you elaborate a little more please? What exactly where the things that you did a lot but you didn't really want to be doing? Did you do lot of healings just like me, only to find they were useless?
Could you also elaborate on the part of the rewards and the retraction of rewards? Thanks a lot!!!
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I was thinking along the lines of how i lived my life, not how I was trying to cure things.
well for example i used to try to chase girls around with the hope of attracting them but since all they did was hurt me in return I eventually decided I didn't like the way I was treated and started backing off. But then sometime later I was like why was I even doing that in the first place? Chasing girls wouldn't be fun even if I was getting them. I would much rather they chased me. Not that it is going to happen but the realization that I was different than I thought couldn't have come if I kept getting rewarded for what I was doing.
At work I would always go the extra mile even though it hurt but it seemed like noone really cared, so, eventually I decided to step back and not work so hard at what noone else seems to care about. It was hard to step back from it though because I thought I would be punished. It isn't like I'm gaming the system now that I've had that realization, I still work hard... jsut I take time for me too now, and am a little more realistic about what I'm going to get done during any given time frame, and don't work so hard at impressing others since they seem unimpressed anyway lol!
Sometimes people have praised me a bit too much for what I do outside of work too and like the work thing it just incites me to go on, to push harder and be more even though usually I would rather rest when I don't *have * to work. When they started retracting the praise I was a bit mad for not having it but eventually it was like, well I was going to a lot of work to attract praise. But if I'm not getting the praise I don't have to go to the effort I was going to to try to attract it now, do I?
It is like that, often I am so interested in the goal, what I am going to get, that I totally disregard the process of getting there and run myself into the ground. Even though if I ever stopped to honestly look at what I am doing I would hate myself.
But take away the possibility of achieving the goal and suddenly I start reconsidering what I thought I had to do to try to acheive it. I get some freedom to decide if this way of life suits me.
Don't get me wrong, it isn't any fun not being able to reach goals and win the game, however, from where I stand now the way I was going about it just seemed to make me blind to the reality of my life. There was a lot of stuff I wanted but I was miserable while trying to get it.
Does that sorta make sense?