Blondie,
I feel you could use something other then hang in there love this god this, that.. you know. I dont know what to say really, I feel very touched by your experince. My mother her self had to watch me die every year for the past 8 years. well not completely every time. but i have passed over, and i go on life support every year. so im always fighting death its self. you gave me an understanding at what she was feeling as she would watch me. thank you.

what i can offer though. is one experince i had with my grandmother. she became very sick very quick with lung cancer. the family tried everything to keep her around. everything. I after fighting so hard saw my grandmother a different way. I prayed to god to take her quick. it was actually harder to watch her pain then to deal with her leaving. I knew through experince she was going to be taken care of. that she would be able to care for her self. that where she was going i had saw and approved of for any one. not that that helps. but that's kind of how i felt at the time. I had seen it. I knew what it was she was becoming through death. and i was ok with it. not just ok but excited also.

one of her last words were, she looked at my mom and told her she understood what it was corey had been through. it made me cry. becouse i also understood it from my point of view looking at it this way. i had actually asked the doctors why they fought so hard to keep me alive.

there isn't a book that can comfort you through this. i beleave you will find it in the care you allow your self to receive and your daughter through what you allow in. personally. i have a very strong connection to god. not through the bible, or church. mine personally came from the knowing that when i first got sick i truly felt like a soldier of god, creation, life. the ability to have the privilege to find this kind of strength i walked my life and it strengthened it through just believing this. i found my comfort in my actions. my love,
i at the same time am not trying to replace anything either, just looking for a purpose to my madness.
something wants me to say, that its not you becoming a soldier of god. but what you beleave you deserve through being a soldier. at the same time im not just a believer in him. i see many and love it all. if called upon i would stand up. by any of her( the universe) .