Blondie,

Do you talk about the afterlife with her. do you help her understand. if you do there is a really good book by a priest, "My Time In Heaven" it is a really good book. this priest dies for 8 hrs in a car crash. and he writes about his journey. he was meant to go through this for us. to write this book. he talks about meeting jesus and being at God's thorn.

i personally have a terminal illness also. and i really appreciate what Din has to say. I have been by the side of some one dieing. and i had the privilege of saying the last words to her as she lay there in bed. "i wish i could remember what i said" but there very personal words and maybe i forgot cause the women that passed caused me to forget. that moment calmed her in such a way she looked at me looked at her family took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"I told her how beautiful it was there. that it was ok. she was going to love it. trust me iv been there"

it was as if she view this from authority. and looked at me like if you say so i trust you.

that moment is so personal to me. it makes me cry to relive it and i haven't relived it like this in a long time, so thank you Din i feel her sitting next to me also saying thanks. wanting me to see how i helped her. iv had tearful eyes through this whole post.

this just came to me. i think she is talking to me.... I miss her.
I'm going to leave this post like this, it was as if i was automatic writing through that last part.

i was writing and i was really up set cause i wanted to share my personal experience as some one that has experienced the passage to the after life. and that exsisted on that side for a moment. and when i went to write it i completely for got. then i was sitting here just shrugging it off and it was as if she was here telling me what i said to her. I remember it being so calming to my self and her. i was so proud at what i said to her. to this day i think about how i helped her. she was my ex-wife's mom. and died suddenly. and very quickly.

but it was gorgeous, surreal, honestly i had the moment of fear for the few weeks fallowing it. becouse i felt as if her family thought i gave a reason to go over. a reason not to fight. that it was my words that let her go. i still kinda feel this way.

but trust me from some one that understands a little about this, the passage alone is worth life and its struggles. then to see that first moment of existing with her. existing with the universe. being part of her. it is amazing moment.

i watched my grandmother die also. from aggressive lung cancer. near the end every one was wanting her to fight, to go through it. that we needed her. we didn't want her to go. made her take treatment just to prolong her life for another week.

I hated this so much. after seeing what i have seen. and understand what i do. watching my grandmother pass taught me it truly takes a loved one to know when to much is to much. and to truly put faith in the afterlife for the family. i watched from a distinct praying for god to take her as quick as posible, to teach our family that they need to let her go. that its safe its pleasant. its rewarding, but that they needed to let her go. i was able to keep this kind of heart with out a tear not out of aggression but love. i truly knew. and i knew it was going to be OK for her. I think its more fearful for the relatives then it is for the person taking the passage.

this is where i slipped and regret it. I was the lesson for my family, and i never stepped up to the plate. i watched and prayed. i was the answer to my prayer. but it was authority figures. aunts, uncles, daughters and sons of her. i felt as if they would put me aside as being young and misinformed.
this is something i wish i could change.