[BlueSky]

Thank you kindly for responding The Necromancer and Natureflows.



First of all let me explain that by asking you to judge I meant to please share with me how I come across to you. I recognize that how I see myself is not necessarily how I come across so by sharing that with me I felt it could be helpful. Judge probably wasn't the best word choice.



Neo, It’s funny you mention my signature because as much as I liked it when I chose it, looking back at its meaning just now actually emphasizes what I don’t like about Buddhism.



chitta vritti nirodha" is a line from Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. It refers to stilling the mind/removing fluctuations in order to experience Ultimate Reality.



In Buddhism as I understand it, removing fluctuations includes those positive ones you and I seem to both enjoy embracing. That’s it in a nutshell but also I have no desire to experience ultimate reality at the expense of this one and Buddhism seems to require such a sacrifice and one that requires blind faith that there even is an ultimate reality.

I understand and enjoy life. I suffer, I rejoice. I desire and I sacrifice. I am compassionate and enjoy my emotions. I love the relationships in my life with loved ones, with nature, with myself. I experience a “me” and embrace it not fully knowing what it is. I experience a “you” as well. I live and I die.

In fact I embrace all of life not really knowing what it is and I’m okay with that. I’m happy.

When I consider the words of The Buddha and put them into practice, I experience anything but happiness.

On some level I can see that the mind can expand to such a state that this one would be unrecognizable but on another I like this one and would actually consider it selfish of myself to cast it aside for something else.

So for me it’s not that Buddhism is all about overcoming negative, it is that it sees the positive as negative. Desire can be a beautiful thing or it can take you over. A sense of self can be a beautiful thing or it can take you over….and so on.

Buddhism is asking me to follow it blindly by practicing it in the way it suggests. I feel blessed that I understand enough about Buddhism to understand that and I feel blessed where practices like mindfulness has made my life more beautiful but I can’t commit to something that just goes against my grain so much that it feels wrong for the reasons I explained above.



So yes I need to let it go and take from it what I have but as one who has been compelled to grow spiritually from being a child to now, there is a sense of guilt or stress in doing so. I even heard an old Billy Joel song the other day and felt my mind try to apply it to me. “I rather laugh with the sinners, then cry with the saints” lol



In closing I think what bothers me most about Buddhism is that I cannot sit down with an 8 year old and explain it in such a way that would instill joy and happiness and a love for things beyond the physical. In fact it would most likely instill the opposite. No self, no desires, dispassion, no emotions, no thought, etc

I hope this post prompts the two of you to further respond. I would love to hear your thoughts as well as others.

Regards