I remember your plight from the pagan sub-forum.
I really am at a loss, but feel drawn to your situation.
I am leaning toward thinking your problem is not that serious so far.
Considering that you find temporary relief under certain situations.
So, I am thinking that when you can strengthen your core being and not
be freaked out about all this, then you will start getting answers.
This may come down to trial and error and learning what works for you.
I see you have problems with faith and religion. Your faith in something
Greater than your self(even if it is what people call higher self) will be a big help.
Religion does not matter either way.IMO.
I believe that while on this earth good/spirit will be available to out do the bad/spirit
when called upon and you learn what works for you.
Myself I have faith in a Loving Creator and can receive help from any part of Creation.
I walk a Native American Way of Life.
But I am attempting to communicate in a general way.Since my beliefs should
have no effect on yours, if you have any beliefs.
You'll have to develop your own beliefs,faith and trust in what works for you.
You say that you did find temporary relief, by grounding in nature.
So maybe a starting point is that nature is always around you and you are made of Nature.
The basic elements are a good place to hang out.
Fire, Rock, Water, Green(Air) these elements are all in your body and make up your body and Life.
So at any time you need to, you can ground yourself with a breath or some Water
or fire (i.e. smudge,candle, Inner Fire) carry a rock or root in your pocket or realize the ground is right beneath you at all times.
I use to carry a medicine bag necklace for protection with Thunder Being Medicine in it early on.
Take control of your space and see your connection and respect for these elements all around you and in you.(build a relationship with the elements)
Control your space, realize the sacredness of your space and purify it with your thoughts or words or songs
or however you feel is best.
Anyway for being at a loss, I sure did have a bunch to say.
I tried to touch on some basic simplistic stuff. But the idea is use whatever works for you.
You just have to dive in with some trial and error and see what comforts you.
Get to know yourself and you'll figure it out I am sure.
I am sure others will have some better words for you too.
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