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Hello, just thought I'd share that I am very happily single. My last relationship was 10 years long (on & off) it ended 3 years ago and I can't say I miss it. It was an extremely toxic & abusive relationship I won't bore you all with the details lol but psychologically it really messed me up. The dude was the definition of controlling and I was too easy going for my own good. It took me forever to get my life back. Once I moved out I remember having little psychotic breaks while doing everyday things like washing dishes or folding towels etc. Everytime I would be doing something he would butt in aggressively and start yelling that i was doing it wrong and I would often just give in because it was just easier. He would often time pick me up and lock me outside of the house without my keys/shoes/phone so i would just have to sit there till he came to his senses. Towards the end I remember one night I was going to look at an apartment and stupidly i told him. He freaked out, wrestled my keys and phone away. I don't remember his reasoning exactly but the night ended up in the bathroom with my arms,legs and mouth taped for a few hours till he calmed down. I ended up staying at that house with him for another 2 mos until one day I just grabbed my stuff and lived out of my car for about a month, ended up in a mental hospital for about another month then back to the car for roughly another month until my mom decided to let me move back with her.
Not sure why I stayed in that relationship as long as I did. Alot of it was fear and codependency and I really didn't have anywhere else to go. I have a list of mental disorders that make it real difficult to work even on medicines which I wasn't on until about 1 year and a half ago.
Anyways I just had to get that out lol. I'm in a muuuuuuch better place now spiritually, mentally, emotionally. It took me a couple years to forgive him but I've let it all go and am grateful for the experience because it made me stronger in the long run.
I'm happy being alone though. Most relationships I witness these days I have a hard time understanding why they both continue the self destructive cycle they both have to endure because of codependency or fear of being alone, which is what the majority of relationships appear to be based on. But hey w/e I was stupid too probably even more stupid sometimes lol. Ppl just have to figure out all that for themselves.
I feel like if I ever am in another relationship I would require alot of personal space. Trust and respect would be required but that goes without saying. For now I am more interested in my relationship with God and the few people that I have in my life right now.
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