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Old 27-12-2019, 12:16 PM
Lerxst Lerxst is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 14
Death of a TF...?

Has anyone experienced, what I would call the unthinkable - The death of their TF?

Almost a year ago, I posted about my encounter with my TF and also the relationship I was already in at that time. The marriage was in a decline for years and did eventually end several months ago. I met my TF prior to that however, and we became very good friends, but were respectful of our various relationships and never crossed that line.

After my marriage was over, her's also ended. She and I connected, physically and emotionally on a level that I never thought imaginable with another human being! It literally felt like mountains were moving and seas were parting :)

We were planning our life and future together. After all we went through, the abuse we had to recover from and the distances we traveled over the years, to finally meet where we each started from, this just feels "right", like something that should have happened years ago but we always just missed each other by fractions of a second in the past.

That said, she's going through some very difficult trauma that I can only standby and witness. This is something she needs to do on her own, however, there are some legal ramifications also pending, which are beyond anyone's control. (No, it's not a serious crime we're talking about).

Not only, is this killing me inside, but... I feel... something. Some part of me is genuinely terrified for her. I know how she thinks and what she feels as well as the years worth of abuse and trauma she suffered in the past, that even her family doesn't know about. I know that once she has to face her future, there's a very real risk of suicide (she has attempted once in the past) and the only thing I can do is watch as an outsider.

I'm trying everything I can do to be supportive and be there for her. To stay positive and think of options I can share with her. Since she's not in a state of mind where she can think into the future, that's become my burden. No matter how positive I stay and what I do and think, that thought... her suicide still lingers.

I can only imagine what this would be like, it it plays out in the way that I fear. I try to picture what my own life would be like afterwards and there's... nothing. I see nothing in the future past that. For anyone that's had the pain and horror of going through this, or losing their TF in some way, how do you manage it?
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