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I'm sorry to read you are going through this, but it's also something I feel on a daily basis too. It's like I just don't exist, I don't want to help anybody, I don't want to go and meditate and the life I have created for myself is just so dull and boring. I have no social life, no friends and I'll probably die alone...so join the club!
Even today, I was out shopping and I really loathe it. The supermarket was packed, with heaps of people waiting in line at the checkouts, and seeing as how I was only getting a few items, I went to the self-serve registers, only to be abused by the guy behind me with his trolley full to capacity "you are only getting a few items...go use the express check-outs (which also had queues to infinity) and leave the self-serve to people who are buying more things...you are so inconsiderate!" well, I just growled at him and told him to "eff off", right then and there! so much for being 'spiritual', right? lol
Not to mention as I was buying things, people wanted to push past me, using their bodies as human 'battering rams' with an 'excuse me', so I just stood my ground, saying "just wait until I have finished, idiot!" yeah, I'm not one to even help a poor old lady cross the road because she'd whine about how slow/fast I was moving.
In the end, I have just decided to do what makes me happy and you should too! Do whatever it is you enjoy and find peace in that. Do you have hobbies? interests? I came back home and started colouring in my mandalas to cool off. I re-arranged the furniture in my bedroom, I read a book about the Jamaican Nyabingi festival before listening to some Depeche Mode.
Basically, if your own reality is doing nothing for you anymore, change it to suit yourself! re-invent yourself on your own terms! incorporate new characters and locations into your own private game of "Sim lilith" and kill off all the old boring ones...inventing rather unique ways for them all to die in the process. Just start with one small change...do something different tomorrow or in a different way than you do it every other day...hang your jeans upside-down on the clothesline just because you can. You'll find things will start to pick up.
Good luck and all the best.
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