Sometimes what we need is some kind of external stability while we change so much internally, because when the two change at the same time it's a bit of a doozy. While we're still in the same place the place has been shooting across time and space at a rate of knots, and how we perceive our surroundings can make you feel as though you're in a completely different place. It's kind of weird when it's the same place, but not.

Strangely enough Matt's videos are having a different effect on me, they're coming through as conformation which s really nice. The odd time I'll think 'OK, haven't thought of that', but more often that not there's a feeling of 'That's me, right there' and yes I do allow myself a child-like glee sometimes. It's been a long time coming.

There's definitely the feeling that your trauma and your physical symptoms are related although I'm not getting too many details. It's not for me. What I am getting though is that there's going to be a 'two-pronged attack' to your healing coming. You will do this but it's a 'when the time is right' thing because of all the other clutter you have flying around in your noggin.

Your Spirituality will always be there no matter what, even if you completely turn your back on it. You're never alone, even when you tell yourself you are. Sometimes Spirit will take a back seat because you have to concentrate on something else, but they're never far away. Did you know you have a group of three with you?

You've had a break-through in this Life that will affect the next in major ways, it hasn't had that much of an impact in this Life and it won't to any earth-shattering degree, but it's the crack in the dam for what's to come. And no, no details.

The colours are more 'direct from Spirit' clairvoyant while your soma colours are indirect, if that makes sense. The soma set is what Spirit is pointing at, the silver and gold is what Spirit is 'telling you' directly. And I'm guessing your circle and triangle haven't met yet? Feminine and masculine colours/energies are a little misleading, and while it might sound as though it's semantics words do create worlds. Correctly those colours are often associated with the masculine or feminine, which are 'shades of Duality. You know because they're colours that you've been given, so loosen up with your imagination a little. What do they make you feel?

In Matt's "Everything is here to help you" how did/does that trauma help you? Often the first step in healing is in coming to terms with what happened, and particularly your perceptions of it. Love your body Unconditionally, warts and all because once you do that you realise Nature is doing all the work, not you.

Here's a very simple exercise for you to try, how you envision isn't important but how strong the envisioning is. Feel free to 'adjust' to suit you. Sit yourself down with your feet firmly on the floor, your hands in your lap, your palms upwards and your fingers not overlapping. Imagine a slit/tap in your stomach (or your chakra opening) and all the bad vibes are pouring out into your hands. Feel it all just draining away into your hands, your body feeling lighter and your hands becoming more full. When you feel as if there's no more, slowly raise your hands and give it back to the Universe.

it doesn't matter what I make of it, it's what you make of it that counts - but it's interesting just the same. It's like an extension of yourself when the Universe reflects back at you and it feels as though you're finally in the same ball park. Planet even. It's like a Spiritual sigh of relief. I've always tried to see things differently and always rebelled at the establishment but the conformation is pretty damned cool though.

I don't wake up at night, perhaps I sleep the sleep of the just and righteous. Or something. Last night I had a pretty weird dream though. I was in what looked like a college canteen with the typical cheap formica tables and metal chairs, there were people milling around and most of the tables had rubbish on them. Not far away Goeff Lynne and Tom Patty were strumming away on acoustic guitars trying to come together in tune. They never did.

Dang. Y'know, this is throwing up all kinds of stuff and it's pretty emotional as well. A few years ago I was having the strangest experiences, it was about this time of year if I remember rightly. I was getting time shifts where I'd completely lose any recollection of time and having walked distances. Other times I'd feel as though I'd been beamed into this body, I remember suddenly finding myself in this body looking out as though it was a space suit and thinking "Where the hell has he beamed me to now?" I have thought about false memories but I remember times in my Life when, as a boy, I'd feel these strange, alien energies around me. I realise now that it was a result of an energetic/consciousness timeslip - and as whacked out as that may sound it's the only sense I can make of it.

That's been kind of carrying on with the memories of the Heep and what they meant to me at the time, as though it's taken me by the scruff of the neck and is pointing at something. As the song goes, if I had the time to relive my Life I wouldn't care to change a thing. At the time I needed to know that my experiences meant something, that there was rhyme or reason for everything. I needed to feel like somebody, because like you I don't have the 'traditional' ego.

For me the Heep then were resonating with something deep down inside, I knew it was there all along but couldn't make much sense of it at the time. It's kind of hard to put across in a small post because it would also need a hell of a lot of supporting information to make sense of. But The Wizard is still here and we've a part of so much together, from a time before time until today, and he's still sitting on my shoulder. I'm finding it incredibly frustrating because I have all this stuff inside me and no real way to express it. If I did there are only a handful of people on the planet that would be able to make any sense of it, the rest of the planet would think I'm stark, staring bonkers. The Heep's always had a very profound Spiritual impact on me because it touched the parts other mediums simply couldn't reach. I was heavily into music at the time, it was an escape route away from all the **** I was going through at the time. I always felt as though there were two of me in here, and The Heep certainly touched the other one.

For me, the Wizard is the scribe for the Golden Ones and the first 'person' I met in the Cave of the Ancients. In many ways Byron became something of an alter ego for me because I wanted to be as good a singer as him, to have that kind of talent and confidence. It was as though somehow he was mirroring, and what was coming from his heart was very much a reflection of what was coming from mine. Their music to me was a world that was more real than the one I was currently in, the physical world very much felt as though it had very little reality at the time.

"As long as I find
Just a little peace of mind
I can dream and laugh, and I can sing."