So I first joined this forum many years ago, and dipped in and out and then have left for a while. So I feel a bit cheeky coming to you all now, but something has happened and I had a thought of this forum and thought maybe it is something I can talk to you all about. I hope this is ok.

I have a belief that we come into the world to learn a lesson an d grow spiritually and we may have many lives to continue to grow. I have a son of nearly 5 and last year I became pregnant with baby number two. I was drawn to read Tenth Insight and felt it so right at the time. My baby was diagnosed with a certain condition during pregnancy and after he was born he was diagnosed with a 'life limiting condition'. He dies 2 weeks ago at nearly 6 months old. He was a bright soul and people fell in love with him the moment they met him, he was an amazing person. The last few months he would fix me with this hypnotising look, I got lost in his eyes. His brother and his father loved him so much, it was like he drew love to him.

His eyes were such a deep blue and so big in his little face.

I am trying to make sense of things.

When I was pregnant I had this dark feeling this sense of something not right - with my first boy when I knew I was pregnant it was all joy and dance with Bryn, it was so different. It has been a fight to prevent over medicalisation during and after his birth and through pregnancy.

We knew we had a short time with him and we made the most - he would often have seizures, stop breathing and I remember when he was brand new with us, standing giving him oxygen that there would be a time when I would know that it was the end of this journey for him and I would have to let him go - I have cried so much this last year. And on the day he died I knew when he stopped breathing that that was it, it didn't stop the sense of hopelessness though.

And I feel quite profound - yes I am still angry and terribly sad and miss holding him in my arms and smelling his scent and hearing his voice.

Some words I read in Matt's thread have helped , but I guess I am reaching ou to people who may understand and help guide me through all this, it seems so utterly rotten for this to have happened to us and I guess everyone who has a loss wants to try and work through this maze of grief, why people are sent to earth for such a short time, but cause such love to happen.

Oh please excuse my typing , I am not sure what I am asking for - I am just drawn to be here and try andmake sense of it all.