02-05-2013, 12:27 AM
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Originally Posted by ksjm33
I agree Soulful!
I was all geared up yesterday to get back to myself, and now I'm back in with him. Next week I start a new grad school class that will keep me very busy and I have about a million things to do yet this week. Why can't I get anything done when he and I are comminicating? Is this normal or abnormal? It feels codependent and twisted. I can see that it is unhealthy. It really is reminding me of the nasty boyfriend situation I had in college. The difference here is it's normally not negative (my base insecurities are trying to be cleared I believe) it's just intense and occupies my thoughts too much.
Any thoughts about that? Either many of us are in unhealthy tf relationships or this is just par for the course with the tf thing!
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I'm so glad you are able to see this situation for what it is! Yes, it sounds very codependent and unhealthy! I would never say it's "par for the course with TFs" because that gets people in the mind that dysfunction is what defines a twin soul connection. It's not. Not at all. As long as people think that, they hang on and hang on and get crushed because they can't walk away from an attachment they need to believe is their twin.
That said, you are on the right track with recognizing how unhealthy this is! When I was in a situation like this, I freaked out and obsessed and wrote way too much and all of that. My insecurities were overwhelming! It took a lot of time, distance, aging a bit, and some level headed conversations for me to see why I was reacting the way I was and bombarding this guy with my terror over losing him when he just needed space and time to process his own feelings. My freak outs totally didn't help. I had to realize this was all about me, and coming from me, not him. And it wasn't until he went away and we were separated in earnest that I could start to see that, and deal with the feelings on my own instead of projecting them on him and waiting for his response or approval.
It did turn out ok! And I'm in a very different place now!
Have you considered blocking him on your chat/email whatever? Just completely disabling contact? That way there's no back and forth "I'll write you later" "could there be a future for us but I don't want anything serious right now" business. It's in your hands and you can take control any time you want!
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