01-05-2013, 08:49 PM
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Originally Posted by ksjm33
Does the runner ever decide to just be at a friend level in order not to get hurt? This may be what's happening now with my tf. I fear he will not be able to grow or feel my pull (if we have one that is) if his ego decides we are only friends.
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I don't think being friends or otherwise non-sexual or romantic has anything to do with growing or feeling the connection between you. Demanding that the relationship be romantic in order to be valid actually prohibits growth, not the other way around.
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Originally Posted by ksjm33
Yes, I think I need some proof he's actually my tf. The only way I can see getting the proof is to shut this thing off for a bit. Get some space. Otherwise we're just in it too much and it's hard to tell. Would you agree?
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The reason why I say "let go of the definition" is that I see that a lot your agony in these posts seems to come from whether you need to be going through this suffering at all (because if he's your TF then it all must mean something), and how you feel the need to define his behavior based on this definition. I don't think you need proof he is your TF.
If he's not your TF, you can let him go and focus on you. But if he is your TF, you need to hang on, feel frustrated and hurt, force him to talk to you, shoehorn the relationship into a romantic one, press him into talking about the relationship or his feelings, not respect your own emotions and boundaries, get conflicting messages, over-analyze everything he says, lie awake at night, lose focus and concentration, and be generally miserable. You see what I mean? I keep getting the sense from all of your messages that your belief that he is your TF is putting you through so much pain, or making you accept pain and confusion that you don't deserve. Also, if he is your true TF, none of this agony would be necessary. Just trust and relax. You don't need proof. You need to trust yourself, calm yourself down, stop analyzing of every little thing he does, stop waiting for him to contact you, stop trying to categorize things, and just go within. The truth is, he may not be your TF. And that may be why you're hanging on so hard. Letting go of the label may mean letting go of him.
I definitely have been there before. I really recognize the feelings you are describing, coupled with the syncs and the signs and dreams. In the end, looking back, I realize that it was an important connection. But by no means a twin connection, which is...something different altogether.
I really hope I didn't come off as harsh or uncaring! I'm just getting worried with the mental hula hoops you seem to be doing to try to justify his behavior and your own reactions to it based around this definition of "TF." It's a confusing time and a lot of different voices probably don't help, so go within and try to hear your own inner voice on all this. And definitely take a break from him. :)
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