I feel mad at god and confused...I've been baptised christian since 18n but now I feel like its all just not even real just an illusion or something a crazy man thought of....not to offend anyone.

I still want to believe..I ask for signs that he's real, but then how am I to know when/if there is one? Today I just had this thought that god is giving us a life, lessons, people to love, things we have in our hearts, but then god takes it all away? That doesn't seem very kind, like he's a loving god. :/

I feel like trying to live a life following him only makes me more inhibited, like I'm a prisoner.. but I should just let this all go, right? I mean, god forgives us...but even though he does, a lot of times I try not to 'sin' or do wrong. I'm so confused... I'm following the ideas of a man who lived thousands of years ago...the world and people have changed...isn't his guidance outdated?