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Bluto, on the astral plane the possibilities are endless, what you think can instantly manifest, including loved ones, even if they have taken a rebirth their spirit can appear to you while they are sleeping in their new body. They can appear to you as you once knew them to be. Lots of souls travel to the astral plane while their body is sleeping here on Earth.
But otherwise I do feel it has to be mutual. Lessons can be learned while we sleep here on earth, or in the afterlife when we drop our physical body. It is widely believed that we are spirit groups, as iamthat mentioned. In that belief it is said we all agree to meet here on Earth and interact in some way. That group may include our parents, siblings, lovers, etc. But this is all speculation on my part.
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