Hi Lostsoul13, do you feel restless at times? When you get bored, do you get restless I guess is my question? And then does the thoughts go into an intense speed?

Could it be you think that you long for family, because the family you had from the get go was not how we think of family? With my parents split and everything I had some of those feelings. I think all I wanted in my future, once I was an adult was that now I am in charge of my own life. And that I was going to have this wonderful family. And what did I get? A pain in the butt narc in laws and other things. I realized I have done about 70% of the work in some of my relationships to make them work while they just lean back. No more. There are those I have lost because of this, those that are in conflict because of this but those people are famous for not getting along with other people. My husband too took a lot for granted of everything I did every day to make life easier for him and everyone. I have now thought if a relationship I have with someone in my life where I have to give 70% and the other the rest it is no relationship worth having. I think I will be happier without those 30%-only-givers. I myself did not see everything I did. It was time to take steps back, not run around everywhere and fix this, fix that but simply say No.

I feel as if I have always worked to have family together. Today I realize family is what we make it. The people we are connected to may not be of family blood, they may be astrange, only for a purpose. Family is inside us, yes? We are connected to a smaller soul group I've read, and then it gets bigger and bigger but more so astranger. The ones we are closest to we are always connected to. We are loved. And we love. We are where we are now in life but everything changes. We change even when we think everything stand still.

I have feared reincarnation as well and I still wonder what to do when I die, if there will be this tunnel of light should I go into it or will I be sucked into it? Or where should I go? Maybe it is a mistake to go into the light? Is reincarnation a trap? Is someone else stealing our energy? Those kind of questions. I want to believe in a God that has all the answers and a God of love: That in time I will have all my answers. I just have to settle with what I got for now and hope that the rest will come. Our family could also be our protective guardian angels. Sorry, I don't know why I felt like writing all this. Blessings to you.