[Kirara]

Greetings everyone,
It is currently quarter past midnight, and I been in bed for some time now. Before I explain what happened a bit ago, I would like to brief you on my spiritual state(?). I have been struggling with quite complicated thoughts, emotions and perceptions for the last two years (and please, don’t start with the pandemic thing; it is not the reason why).

As I went through a very dark experience which left me numb, unable to shake off the things that have led to my conclusions that this world is just undeserving after all… I sort of also abandoned spirituality. It is not that I disagree with it, it is not that I stopped believing or anything. It is a state where you nod your head at the fact something exists but you just look the other way and sink in the bottomless numbness. I have no other word but that, numb. My unpleasant experience has robbed me off the desire to do anything with spirituality, the veil, the Source, the development of oneself etc. I just had enough of everything. I know, deep inside, that voice is still alive and kicking saying that I will regret it..but…doesn’t feel like it matters.

Now, as you are aware of what my state is, let us just say that I got a burning sensation in the back of my neck thirty minutes ago or more. It was escalating so fast and so much that I thought I was really catching fire but it wasn’t painful. The sensation was even shooting down my spine. The moment I reached my palm and touched the back of my neck, it all disappeared. It literally felt “normal” once more.

You might wonder why I am even writing this after I have totally given up on everything to do with Oneself and the Source…I don’t know. It is not like I have anyone to talk to about these things, so I am probably just writing down as a memoir. Funnily, the burning sensation just returned as I was writing albeit it was more of a pleasant warmth.

I wonder, if anyone has experienced such sensation against their nape and back. It is not painful but pleasant though it can feel weird. I also wonder what causes it. I don’t know why I associated it with spirituality when I haven’t even meditated for the last two years or so. Maybe it is just a wishful thinking that even if I have abandoned the Oneself, it has not abandoned me. Hm.