I have thought some about that I have apparently changed more than I thought I had, wonder if anyone recognize themselves in that?

I think I have been way too kind and not had enough boundaries up. I still feel the same love for few people in my life but they are making it difficult as they are used to me backing down and letting them think they are right about things. I have learned to say things like No. Things like "I do not deserve this bad attitude coming from you, this is not working for me".

I have thought about 2 previous break ups with 2 different "dudes". The first break up was unexpected. I realize now that he was used to me reading him, and me adapting without me thinking about it. He caused the break up and then he would not face up to it, take accountability and this was one thing I was not going to accept. He then acted as if he wanted me back.

The other break up, that came after months of something being wrong between us. He was a psychopath and the mental abuse he did on me was starting to show even if I did my best to hide it. It was as if I was numbed one minute, tense the next. I was careful around him. We did not fight. We did not raise our voices. There was still something very broken. I had surrender my own power to the degree that I did not dare or did not think I could break up with him. I had, though, one time before, when I had not been so weak as I later got to be. Even if this guy too caused the separation, wanting it, telling me so, he then all of a sudden without me having said or done anything, hadn't been near him, regret his decision and then began some really strange campaign to get me back. It made no sense to me what so ever, as the months before he either treated me badly or I was air to him or I was just in the way. I then did not know the circle psychopaths have in romantic relationships 1. love bombing 2 shift from hot to cold and back again 3 just cold - the discard stage. I swear, he was doing all those steps all on his own with or without me. Almost as if he had been programmed or something. It was somewhat confusing and it did not make sense. I'm really happy he got sick of me and so he wanted the separation, but then like my previous ex, but only in a more different way (working through others to get to me, that one was new) he then thought just because he had changed his mind - I would what? Rush into his arms again? I was so ruled by him that last stage of the relationship that when I think about it - it makes my skin crawl. I had more trouble trying to figure out why I was as unhappy as I was, and still not fully understanding it was all do to the relationship, I thought it was me, and so I tried to keep it from him. Ive never changed that much as I did then and I did not understand what was happening to me.

Both these men of my past, their behavior to cause the break ups, tells me that neither of them could have been very stable. That they were used to me seeing to their needs first before my own. They were used to if they were just strong enough, stubborn enough - they would win. And they both had problems accepting they couldn't. They kept trying. It may have come as a shock to them as throughout the relationships I had not shown that side of me, I guess, but both of them had crossed a line, and that was my wake up call where I stood up for myself.

I still don't understand why someone would cause the break up, want the break up with someone and then change on their own like that. I can understand it if it came out, those type of words, during a fight, but there were no fights.

In my current relationship some years into it I began to notice how his territory had grown into areas where it used to be only me or us, he was in charge of those. I began to suffer in the relationship but couldn't really say what it was. But he was in need of control (as a son to a narcissist), and as the story always goes in order to control something or someone you have to make that person inferior to you, somehow, and that's what he did. I also did not believe I was so strong. I let him have things his way as it seemed more important to him, and I didn't care. Not until it got to be too long too much of it. We had to do therapy, together, and he apart and it's been difficult, but he has by now proven he has changed, at least in some areas. One bad example of how stubborn, strong he was before is that we came to live in a home that all sorts of paranormal happenings took place and I was urgent to move, as we were parents as well with the responsibility that no child should be in potential danger because of this, but he had began as a non believer, his own journey, and he was determined we should not move. It detached us. I think one part of him was trying to show he was still the man of the house and not show fear, as if a child saw him afraid, the child would be afraid, but instead of us becoming closer - we became more distant because of it.

I have more troubles today than before with few people in my life who are used to having things their way around me. I wonder when they are going to get it? They have notice a change in me. Especially one relationship has turned out really bad because of it, and it is two strong wills at play here. It can very well be that that relationship will soon be over. The old tactics this person still try to use on me does not work and it is pouting over that.

All the other people in my life don't have a problem at all with me being more assertive and setting boundaries for my own self-love, self-respect. I haven't had the slightest problem with them at all about this, this change in me.