[Sarahpro]

Hi there,
I had a profound experience in April that I have been having a really hard time finding answers for.
Basically I started to become mentally unstable, and in an attempt to get better, I tried to meditate. I ended up putting my attention on some sensations in my crown- like knots- and all of a sudden, they dissolved, and my consciousness shifted.
It was as though mushrooms had just kicked in. Sense of time dissolved, my personality; alll the mental chatter, just gone. All that remained, was fear.
The next few days were erratic. I’d look at peoples Facebook images and have a feeling I’d created these people. I felt like I was soaring above the universe, even above Buddha and Jesus. I felt omniscient. I went outside for a bike ride and looked up at the mountains and it was as though I was both here and in the mountains at the same time.
I never stabilized. I waited to long to take meds, so I had sleeplessness and anxiety continue to fragment my soul until my heart was completely empty.
I am worried I will never be able to surrender back to love again, without an intact psyche; they say you need a healthy ego in order to dissolve it, and I have none at all. I don’t know if anyone has heard of this before.
In my opinion what I accidentally did is what should happen at the LAST stage before enlightenment- fully dissolving your sense of self.
Thank you for reading !