[tabane27]

Thanks for the responses

I didn’t say much about the number 4.. it was rushing at me in a minds eye and then I felt like I was with the number, standing next to it. I was tiny compared to it and found I was staring up to it as it towered me. It was bold and intimidating.

Anyway after stewing in the whole message and things playing out personally. I was convinced this message was about my mum. Infact I know believe the reason I heard my name sharply in my mums voice was for me to understand the feeling with it and why which helps understand the message. When I heard it it reminded me of when I was young, I was always up to no good and when my mum used to shout at me like that, it catch me of guard and would be scared of the consequences.

My relationship is a very strange one with my partner and he doesn’t realise how bold and how much he belittled me. He’s very tunnel visioned and can’t grasp others emotions. So we do have a non intimate relationship.

I was sitting thinking about the message as it popped into my head and he walked in and made a comment. He knew I’d react emotionally so I did. Ended up turning into a full blown row. Everything Iv kept inside that I didn’t ever want to share with him came out. I told him exactly how he makes me feel. Lonely, worthless, invisible, degraded, bottom of the pile in his priorities and pretty much dirt under his foot. He shooed of in a sulk and we ignored each other for 24hours. Then I told him again I’m fed up of him making me feel this way and that I will give up on us if he continues.

He come home from work yesterday quiet still. So I just carried on my day ignoring him. He started to stew on it and try and be nice but wasn’t having non of it. Made it clear to him I’m a human too with feelings and he’s no superior to me and I will dominate my personality over his in future. He’s now being nice and feeling very guilty. So he should.

Before I expressed how I felt the mum voice shouting me the feeling I had with that is exactly how he makes me feel. On egg shells invade he belittled me who I am as a person.
Number four again says how little I started to feel about myself against him coz he was always thinking he’s better than me and puts me down.

The aerial socket loose wire with sparks is probably telling me that I was Gona explode if I was careful with expressing how I felt. He’s been poking at me for days trying to get me to react to have a good row lol. Told him for days to stop as I was aware he was looking for a row and if he didn’t stop I would explode on him. Well I did explode but I chose my words wisely with defeat.