[SikuX]

It's brief but the facade lowered itself during mass confusion and internal heartache just now. Multiple possessive entities that steer my thoughts in different directions. I am stating what I have while I still can. I now again remember having my brain invaded by something external during a careless astral experience with a orgone pyramid. And my third eye purposely and carefully blocked. They're very much internal now. How or why, I do not know. I am no longer here to argue philosophy or beliefs, I don't have enough of my self to even do so anymore. Forced stubbornness and lack of passion. I'm just spiritually exhausted now....

If anyone knows what I'm dealing with and can remotely help before I get "spirit drunk" again and forget it all to get relief with temporary relief from with high vibrations again, please do PM me. I'm a willful and nothing to hide, guinea pig. Self-discovery only leads to more self-awareness of them. No clear indicator if they'll ever leave because they're not all negative. I've helped some change for the better. I do want to be stuck with them though.

It's as-if my subconscious has been hijacked to over-rule my main conscious. Simply going to my higher consciousness for relief does not cure me of my hijacked lower. Hence the cycle and struggle.

This light and dark dynamic using me as a host has taken over my life. Giving me personality traits I've never had. Entirely. Unhealthy obsessions, etc. Every day I keep being fed it's everything but possession. Feeding me old emotions and hope I latch onto them and "forget" this realization ever happened.

I am not angry, I am not anything. I feel nothing when this happens. They're so used to sharing parts of me, they don't know how to "not" pretend to be me any longer. Forget vicarious, they feel what I feel and steal it with ease and carelessness. They've camped up and put down bed sheets and made themselves at home after carefully making me avoiding their strong and over-bearing existence for too long.

Why would spirits or the meta be this selfish? Quit going through me like a revolving door. :(

Hoping a legitimate Shaman who can reassure me contacts me. Otherwise, I'll continue to forcibly be someone I'm not, as I have been, meanwhile. It's either that or confusion and pain in my frontal lobe area if any of them cannot sit comfortably again. I guess preferably the entity that prefers light and love. Which I would love to call an angel, but why forcibly be in me then? This is absolutely absurd..... Do they not have outlets to argue outside of people?! Why are we used to wage their wars, strong need to be heard, known to exist, or envious of our pleasures....

These "gifts" of self-awareness do not stop and it's at the absolute cost of losing large chunks of myself. I'm most certainly starting to believe more in religion and constant spiritual wars waged over the **** I deal with in here lol. *facepalm*

What I do feel is, I can't help but feel like my "leading by example" approach has attuned me to be a teacher without bias for the light to get through to the dark. Hate saying it like that but it's the most laments term I can explain for it. I gratefully accept that calling for people, not divinity or the unknown that wish to devalue me just so they don't look bad. Someone's awfully afraid of the truth and strong cult followers in here. My goodness....

Is this a normal and comparable experience for shamans before they become one? I wonder. And am I going to go through significant psychic attacks (again) for daring to say these things? We shall see.