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Originally Posted by Starman
I used to have a couple of good friends, the female, lets say her name was Karen, and a male who was her live-in boyfriend, lets say his name was David. Now Karen worked and David did not work. David would smoke weed, drink, and hang out with the guys. This made Karen upset because she financially supported David.
Karen would come to me and complain, she would always tell me how she loved David but was not going to put up with him anymore. Then they would have sex and everything was fine again. I would see Karen and she would tell me that they “made up.” Its’ like they would argue just to have make up sex, and after sex everything was fine. But Karen was definitely being manipulated and emotionally abused. This went on for a very long time.
Neither of them would listen to me and I was friend to both of them. The abuse went on for some time and always was resolved, or so they said, when they had sex. They finally split and went their separate ways, but Karen did not have to go through all of that emotional abuse. She was basically ignored by David, and I love them both but it was frustrating for me to see the roller coaster ride they were on.
I have heard women put men down and men put women down, but actually the question needs to be asked “what attracted you to this person in the first place?“ Why do we attract abusive people into our lives? Some women will go through a string of abusive relationships, one right after another. Are the benefits in the relationship more than the price you pay for staying in that relationship? Everything costs something, and relationships should involve compromise, but physical and emotional abuse in my opinion is too high a price to pay.
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Starman, this was a post by member Paragon, I found it interesting and I thought of it when I read your post. What do you think?
paragon
Pathfinder
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 95
This is probably more detail than you wanted, but I got on a roll and just kept typing. I hope someone finds it interesting.
It’s not really a question of what you get out of it (although I’ll get to that). It’s a question of what your dominant energy is. A woman is by nature a physical expression of yin energy; a man is a physical expression of yang. Both energies are present in both sexes of course (represented by the dot on the yin-yang symbol) but by nature a woman has far more yin than yang.
This makes her capable of very deep and beautiful expressions of love, compassion, nurturing etc. - and when someone deeply loves or admires a woman, it is usually for these qualities. But in order to express them to such an extent, the woman needs to feel deeply. As a result of feeling emotions so deeply, a woman tends to be more emotionally fragile than a man. So, in order to find strength and stabilitiy, yin energy seeks the yang energy of a man. When a strong man is found, the woman needs to be able to trust and rely upon the man in order to feel safe and stable. If the woman is second-guessing him, questioning him then she’s not really trusting him, which means she hasn’t really found the safety and stability she was seeking in him.
The extent to which a woman actually becomes submissive once she finds the man varies by each case, but generally it is in proportion to the strength and virtue of the man. If a woman finds a very strong, virtuous man then she will be far more likely to trust him and defer judgments to him. If the woman is truly trusting and submissive and the man is truly virtuous, these tend to be the happiest marriages because they are most in line with nature. The woman is expressing her yin energy but receives yang energy from her husband; the man is expressing his yang energy and receiving yin from his wife - everyone’s happy!
Unfortunately, strong virtuous men are rare these days - and thus, there are fewer women willing to trust a man and defer to his emotional strength. Neverthless, yin still seeks the strength of yang like one pole of a magnet seeks the other. A few different things can happen here. A woman who can’t find a strong, virtuous man to give her safety and stability can attempt to cultivate yang within herself by controlling everything, and worrying about everything that is out of her control. If such a woman marries, she will generally find a weak man that she can boss around. Men hate drama more than anything in the world and so such a weak man will go along with the nagging rather than create an argument. Hence the “yes dear” henpecked husband. A less weak man may lock horns with his wife, resulting in constant arguments. In either case, the man often ends up drinking to escape. These are amongst the worst marriages.
Another option is the woman will seek out a hypermasculine bad-boy in the hopes of taming or rescuing him. So much pure yang is intoxicating to the yin energy, and hence women get into these relationships against all their better judgment, and some women stay in them far longer than they should. Relationships like these completely fail to meet any genuine needs of either partner, and are basically an energy addiction. Because the energy has become intoxicating and addictive, both parties want more, more more. Hence the man expects more submission from the woman, and the woman expects more dominance. At first she might say that she enjoys being handled a little rough, but then it can easily move on to BDSM or outright abuse. It’s unlikely that a woman will enjoy outright abuse, but she feels the yang energy and it feels something like what she’s looking for. Hence, sometimes women stay in such relationships, or leave then come crawling back for more.
There are various other permutations, such as women who look for their yang energy everywhere, and tend to be submissive to everyone. However, these are quite rare and it’s much more common for the woman to attempt to cultivate her own yang energy. But if you put two yangs together in marriage, it’s not going to end well - hence the current divorce rate.
If anyone doubts what I’ve written, know that a whole industry - “Pick up artistry” has sprung up around exploiting this knowledge. The techniques work very, very reliably because they are based on nature. But they are a reverse-engineered exploitation of nature, which is why they are unlkely to produce positive long term results.
If anyone finds any of this offensive, don’t ever read Confucius or classic Taoist texts, as you’ll find them much more offensive.