[ThatMan]

I was into Buddhism some time ago and now I am back to it, my wish to find that inner peace that stays day and night is pushing me even further.I always identified myself with Siddhartha Guatama and I've been trying to reach that stable ground, that middle path, for years, but I don't think that reaching this point is the end, but mearly the beginning, from this point on one can reach higher things.

It all started when I became aware that I am the slave of my emotions and that my emotions are triggered by external factors, things that I can't control.How can you not be angry when the situation ( the external thing ) is making you angry? Why can't I decide simply to not be angry? Why am I happy just in certain situations, why can't I be happy all the time without the need of an external factor? This is what I call the "carrousel of emotions", you are up then down, up then down, and somtimes neither up, neither down, but somewhere in the middle, but only for a certain time.Have you ever wake up feeling peaceful and remaining in that state for the whole day or even more? Then, you know, that peace goes away, this is still part of the ride in the "carrousel of emotions"; you have no real control.Well, I desire that peace that stays no matter what.The funny thing is that when I was around 5-7 years old, I noticed this thing, that I call the "carrousel of emotions" at the adults around me, I said to myself that I will never be this way and here I am.

Of course, this new awareness of mine is the result of hours of meditation,probabily the best thing that I discovered in this search for peace.

I am trying to reach that inner state where my being is not aymore affected by external factors, where I have fully control over what I feel and how I react., in simple terms, I want to achieve a state of full inner peace that will never go away.

I know that the "answers" can be found while in deep meditation for a prolonged period of time... I tried too many things from the external world and nothing worked, I have no desire in temporary peace, temporary happiness and so on; it's time to look within more than ever before.

Only one thing I want, peace that lasts forever.

What about you?