the only hell that exists is the one you curate for yourself. This is different than Christianity that states Hell is a place you will be forever as punishment. I know this isn't true.
All things manifest from the heart. Your version of a heaven or your version of a hell experience depends on your choice of experience. This belief stems from the countless of NDE's I watched and read. People who've had a positive or negative death experience have one common factor. Their experience was tailored for them.
I hope you find your reasons to live, but I guess it's entirely up to you to find those reasons. I always encourage people to work through their problems by addressing what's missing in their lives. It sounds like for you it's control and respect. The only thing I can advise is be the change you want to see. Show people how you want to be treated by treating them that same way.
If you're already doing that than continue to be that positivist. Trust me people will appreciate you although they may not vocalize it. Feel free to write whatever is on your mind here. Most of us our understanding caring people.
"Not all seek meaning...but those that do will find it."