Dealing with grief - other people's grief especially
So today would have been my brother's 41st birthday. He passed away in August last year after battling mental illness and alcoholism. Although not 100% unexpected it was still a shock to the system but I had my beliefs in life ever after to hold onto, and also felt his presence around me quite profoundly at times. He was also the 4th family member to die within the last 5 years (the other 3 in their 60s from smoking related cancers). In essence, my husband and I are 'all grieved out' and because my brother has proved beyond doubt to me that his energy lives on following his death, I do not feel the need to grieve in the way I see my mother grieving.
She is wondering how I am keeping myself together. But it is so hard to know and hear and see (we live 2 hours away from her) her grieving. Of course she is grieving - and she also lost her husband 18 months before my brother (who died on what would have been their wedding anniversary). My mum is a very difficult person to get along with at the best of times, and private in her emotions. I have suggested counselling only for her to yell at me that that won't bring him back. I know she is hurting - and I would be too if it was my son.
My dad is more laid back - or perhaps has a more laid back demeanour - so I can't tell what he is thinking. He also lost his partner 5 years ago. He definitely grieves privately.
I do wonder if my own grief has been pushed aside (by me) whilst I angst over my parents' grief, or whether it is because I know my brother is around. The issue is is that I cannot share these beliefs with them. They know I have an interest in this stuff, but they do not share my beliefs. My mum would also be 'jealous' that I could sense my brother and she couldn't, so I do not want to open that can of worms.
I guess I am just a bit stuck and wondered if anyone had any advice for helping parents deal with grief? Thanks in advance!